Blessed to be Broken

God's not finished with me yet!


on March 8, 2022

I actually started this post last year in October. I got one paragraph in and quit. As I read over what I wrote, I nodded my head in remembrance. I thought since it was already a one word title, I’d go ahead and see how I could salvage this one.

Enough with the rain already. There’s been so much rain this year and today it’s scheduled to rain all day. I would’ve loved to send all this lovely rain to the west coast where it was needed, but here we are, soaked in rain. The streets, sidewalks and yards can’t even soak up any more rain. It’s just making puddles to every child’s delight. – October 2021

Today – March 8, 2022

It poured rain yesterday and winds whipped all around us. There were all kinds of warnings to go along with the wind and the rain. Flood warnings. Severe thunder storm warnings. High wind warnings. The tv flashed with red banner warnings and made that obnoxious squawking screech. The electricity flickered more than once to let us know it wasn’t happy with the weather either. Thankfully, it didn’t go out in my neck of the woods.

Outside, the ground squished under my feet and made sucking noises with each boot raise I made in my oh so fashionable polka dot rubber galoshes. High fashion at its’ best right here. The water had no where to go. It just sat on top of everything.

The ground’s not the only thing that can become soaked. Our clothes can become soaked if we stand too long in the rain or foolishly dive into a pool because our brains are soaked with too much alcohol. I may or may not know a thing of two about the latter.

This was not the turn I saw coming for this post, but I guess given today’s circumstances, this is where I’m going.

I have a lot of drunk stories. Did I ever tell you I once got drunk on perfume as a child? Apparently, I scooted my crib over to my parents dresser and drank a bottle of Tweed perfume. I got that bottle of perfume into my crib by pulling on the scarf the bottle was on. Clever little minx. My mom told me when I “woke” up from my nap I was walking into the walls. Sweet baby Jesus!

We make fun of the things drunk people do all the time. We laugh hysterically at comedians who imitate drunks. TV shows, movies and such glorify drinking. As if drinking some form of alcohol is the only way to make it through the day. If I said I didn’t laugh, I’d be lying.

But there’s a darker side to alcohol no one really wants to talk about. It’s too much of a downer. Talking about alcoholism and the negative effects on the body is tossed aside because getting drunk and blacking out is way more fun. Right? Why else would people keep repeating this insanity?

I can’t answer that question for you. I only know why I chose to daily drink copious amounts of alcohol.

At the time, I didn’t believe I had a problem. I liked the taste of beer and wine. I loved the way if made me feel. Like I didn’t have a care in the world. It calmed my brain and let me be who I thought I couldn’t be sober. It was all just a false sense of deranged reality. I bought into the lie that alcohol could make all the bad things disappear.

It didn’t make the bad things disappear, it only added to the bad things I didn’t want to face. Now I had shameful behavior added on top. What better way to deal with it all than by drinking more?

I always thought if I moved beyond beer and wine into the hard liquor realm, then and only then I’d have a problem. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!

Earlier today I found out another person in my life died from alcoholism. He knew better. He’d been previously hospitalized for it. When he got out of the hospital, he did ok, for a little while.

The last time I spoke to him, he was drunk. He asked me to pray for him. I asked him what he’d like me to pray for and his reply was simple; “everything”. Even now when I think of “everything” I think, how bad could things have been that his “everything” needed help.

I’m going to miss him and his laugh and the way he said “aboot” instead of about. The world didn’t lose a drunk. It lost a beautiful life that fell into an abyss and no matter how many times it fought back, it never truly made its way out.

My heart hurts. My soul screams, why?! But I know the answer. Deception is all around us, luring us into traps that slowly rock us into addicted slumber. Some will recover. Many more will never make it out alive.

For my friend, he lost the battle here on earth. But the war has been won as he’s now in Heaven. No more pain. No more sorrow. No longer soaked in alcohol. He’s now totally soaked in the love of Jesus and singing in a choir of angels. I hope he sings better up there than he did here. Lord have mercy! Fly high my beautiful friend. I’ll see you again, one day! Give my brother and my Gabby gurl a big ol’ hug.

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