Blessed to be Broken

God's not finished with me yet!

Romanticizing Adultery

How do you romanticize adultery and make it acceptable? Let’s take a look.

☺️Guy meets girl.
☺️Guy dates girl.
🥰They fall in love.
💍Guy gets engaged to girl.
👗👔They may even move in together before marriage.
✈️🚙❤️‍🔥Girl takes a trip home and runs into an old flame.
💍Remember, girl is still engaged.
😍Girl starts feeling romantic towards old flame and begins questioning her life. Yet, she’s still engaged. Why was she hanging around him to begin with?
🤔Guy she’s engaged to shows up unexpectedly and doesn’t understand what’s changed.
💔Guy and girl get disengaged.
🥰🔥Girl begins new life with old flame.
😒Other guy, well, good luck, dude.

You can also reverse this if the guy takes a trip home and runs into an old flame.

This is pretty much the premise for the majority of romance films. It’s got to be the unhealthiest way to go about finding romance. But, let’s keep perpetuating that unhealthiness. Because a little cheating is okay as long as there’s a happy ending, right?

Emotional cheating is still cheating. It wrecks relationships on the daily. Running from one person to the next without some form of healing is bad mojo jojo.

Nothing worse than dragging your unhealed baggage from one relationship to the next, expecting another unhealed person to make things all better.

You see we only think of adultery as married people fooling around on each other. But let’s see what God has to say about it. Buckle up folks, it’s about to get turbulent up in here.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” ~ Matthew 5:27-28

Of course, “You shall not commit adultery” is one of the Ten Commandments. But, adding lust into the picture changes the game.

Oh, and to the women, don’t be fooled. Lustful thoughts aren’t solely the man’s fault. Soap Operas are notorious for perpetuating adultery. Yet how many of us who’ve watched them, cheered for the adulterous relationship to prevail based on the heat a couple put off? Girl, don’t I know it!

Adultery is not acceptable in the eyes of our Lord. We’ve made it acceptable and too easily accessible.

Here’s a thought. Why not just break up with the person you’re with before stepping out on them? I daresay, cowardice. Better to see if what you’re lusting after is better than what you have, before you wreck it. Been there, done that.

But wait, there’s something even worse. How about we murder the unsuspecting person being cheated on for ill-gotten gain? By the way, that’s another Commandment. Thou shalt not murder. But hey, it’s better to kill them than to break up or divorce them, because then you get all the toys. After all , what’s the harm in breaking one more Commandment? Go broke or go home, right?

I can attest, there’s so much harm created in your being by this type of adulterous mindset, behavior, and acceptance. Not just in you, but through you. You may not realize the damage now, or a couple years from now, or even 15 years from now, but one day I guarantee, it will wreck you.

One day, the bigger picture will play out before you when you least expect it, and it will eat you up from the inside out. That’s the thing about unrepentant sin. It will have its proverbial day in court. It’s not a matter of “if,” it’s a matter of when.

Have you ever heard the term, “guilty pleasure?” If you’ve ever committed adultery, and moved past the guilt and shame of it, then you’re in the clutches of that guilty pleasure.

You’ve allowed the serpent of your soul to comfortably curl up and take residence and it’s striking its venom into everything morally good. It’s job, to move you as far away from God as possible. To deaden the good God created. Until all you see is the path of destruction, sin cost you.

Single people desperate for a relationship, who set their eyes on a married person, are not off the hook either.

Hebrews 13:4 reminds us:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

Did you get that part, “by all.” Not some. ALL. So, that means if your single, your sin is the same if you’re going after someone’s spouse. Yikes, right?

Friend, let me remind you of this truth. Whatever sin has done, God is still greater. There’s still hope to be found. It’s in the finished work of Jesus Christ. By His mercy and grace alone, can you run…seriously run, to the Father, confess to Him, repent, and stop sin from having its way with you.

You may have moved from God, but God never left you. He may have allowed the sin you so desperately wanted to consume you, but He was still there. I’ve said it before, free will, is a gift. How you use it, is up to you. God will never tempt you into sin. That’s not His way.

Despite your sin, God loves you. Loving Him back, means you turn from sin. God is holy, and righteous. Sin is not acceptable to Him. It’s an abomination in His sight.

I can attest His love is so much better than any sin feels. His love is so great, He daily gives you the choice. So, what’s it gonna be? God’s already made His mind up about you. He gave us this promise about His love found in Romans 8:38-39:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romanticizing adultery or any other sin, doesn’t make it acceptable to God. The only person that can stand against it, is you. But, you’re not alone, for greater is He that is in you, than he who is in the world. Now that’s some good news! Be blessed!

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The Want of More

Scrolling through the radio stations I stopped when I saw Pat Benetar’s name pop up. Love me some Pat Benetar. It took a minute for me to recognize the song, “All Fired Up,” but as the song played on, bits and pieces came to mind and next thing I knew I was jammin’ in my car alongside a rock star. 

Back in the 80s I never really cared for the meaning behind song lyrics. If it had a good beat, and I could dance to it, I dubbed it good. Singing along was a bonus. The chorus of this song caught my attention. 

“I believe there comes a time when everything just falls in line, we live and learn from our mistakes, our deepest cuts are human made.”

As I sang and bopped my head along in unison to the beat, I couldn’t help but think of Adam and Eve. Isn’t that where it all started to fall apart? The garden of Eden. Everything was perfect. And yet, the want of more, and then acting upon that want, ruined it. For everyone! Generation after generation suffer from the effects of more.

“We live and learn from our mistakes”. Do we? Has the want of more gone by the wayside? Are we content with what we have? Do we still covet our neighbor’s stuff? Do we still idolize money and power? Do we place things above people? 

Look around, do you have a plethora of something and yet, you still want more? I can say I have an astonshing amount of crafting items, but, everyday something new and shiny seems to come out on the market, and I must have it. Do I need it? No. No, I don’t. 

“We live and learn from our mistakes”. If we truly lived and learned from our mistakes, would “the deepest cuts” still be “human made”? I’d like to think that as we grow older, we grow wiser. But it seems as one generation starts to “get it,” the upcoming generation is seemingly following in the same footsteps, and we just keep the circle of sin going. 

People are still trying to climb over one another to get the promotion. People are still pushing the sexual envelope. Things that were once hidden are shoved into eyes that have no business seeing perverse and immoral sexual acts and violence. 

I can’t seem to find a tv show that doesn’t shove sex, adultery, murder, excessive violence, alcoholism, drug use, and cussing as the norm. Over the years, it’s only gotten worse. And this is entertainment? We’re literally teaching people how to sin, better. Awesome.

I guess these days you could call me a prude. I’m okay with that. I don’t need to see people grinding away on my tv screen. What’s being promoted here? Do you ever stop and ask yourself that question? Of course I can turn the tv off, but does ignoring the televised acceptance of soft porn make it go away? No, it doesn’t.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “if you give someone an inch, they’ll take a mile.” The same applies to the enemy. We’re instructed not to give him a foothold. Yet, daily we give him miles and miles to do his fiendish work.

Do you know who pays the biggest price for the things we do? Our kids. We’ve become so self-obsessed that our kids are being raised by influencers instead of parents. People who want to look good on-screen for people they don’t even know. Yet, their own kids are standing right in front of them begging to be seen. My heart is broken.

The other day my 6-year old grand daughter was approached by another child in her class. He wanted her to play “let’s make babies” and have her lie beside him. What? Are you kidding me? Where does another child learn this type of behavior? My heart is broken.

As I type this out, all I want to do is backspace the entirety of this message for fear of retaliation. But, I think that’s the problem. We’ve succumbed, we’ve settled, and we’ve stopped fighting for what’s right, because it got too hard. “It is what it is,” has become our legacied mantra. We’ve been lulled to sleep by sin. My heart is broken.

Now more than ever sleepy Christian’s need to wake up and not only talk about the love of Jesus, which is amazing and wonderful but the heartbreak of sin cannot be ignored. It needs to be called out. Not shoved under a rock. Our kids are suffering for our lack of conviction. And if your heart isn’t broken, then I have to ask why not?

This was not how I envisioned this message going. I had something totally different in mind. But this isn’t my blog. It belongs to the Lord. What I type here I give over to Christ. I’m done worrying about what you all may think of what’s on my heart to say. My grand child’s future is at stake and I’m going to do everything I can to stand up for what’s biblically right and sound, not what’s immorally accepted as today’s norm.

6-year olds talking about making babies by lying down with one another is unacceptable. No, I’m not over reacting, you’re under reacting. Because if this doesn’t cut to your core, then I have to ask, why not? Ignorance is not bliss. It’s ignorance.

The funny thing is, this behavior is not new. Don’t take my word for it:

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.” ~ 2 Timothy 3:1-7

We’re warned. And instead of backing away from it, we’re embracing it. What do we do? How do we stop the downward trajectory of mankind? We repent. We change our ways and turn back to God. It sounds simple, right? Yet, instead of running to Him, we run from Him. And that my friends, breaks His heart.

Ever since Adam and Eve committed the sin of more, God put a plan in place to right the relationship that was broken. He sent Jesus to overcome sin and death. He’s ALWAYS making a way. Do you see it? Again, don’t take my word for it.

Look! I’m doing a new thing; now it sprouts up; don’t you recognize it? I’m making a way in the desert, paths in the wilderness.” ~ Isaiah 43:19 (CEB)

Jesus’s death on the cross made the way for us to have a personal relationship with God. He has specific plans for each of us to bring Him glory here on earth. We have a choice. I’m just so thankful God’s not limited to our small mindedness. I’m even more thankful that His love is greater than our sin.

Friends, It’s never too late to run to Christ. Just ask the thief hanging on the cross next to Jesus. (Luke 23:40-43) Now that’s the kind of more we all gain from. More of Christ, more like Him. That’s where the real power is and always will be.

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Moral High Ground

I watched a tv show. To summarize, over time, one woman had done some pretty sketchy things but justified her behavior by saying her actions were what was best for her employer. She was “protecting” them. Another woman, who worked for this same employer, also over time had done some deplorable things per the one who’d done the sketchy things. At some point the woman who’d done the sketchy things, determined the woman who’d done the deplorable things needed to suffer the consequences of her actions.

Now, the woman who’d done the sketchy things, had been forgiven of her transgressions by her employer. You’d think that woulda made her more compassionate towards the woman who’d done the deplorable things. It didn’t. It seemed to make her more determined to see her “enemy” suffer the consequences she felt she deserved. Did she confront the woman she took issue with? No. Instead, these two skeptically watched each other wondering what the other was doing, all the while, doing sketchy and deplorable things.

The time came and the one who’d seemingly done the deplorable things got arrested. As she was being escorted out of the building by police, she saw the one who’d done the sketchy things and confronted her. She threw her sketchiness in her face by reminding her of all she’d done. The woman retaliated with how much of a monster she was. The woman in cuffs said, she knew what she was, but then asked very simply to the other woman, “Do you”?

The look on her face said it all. Next scene, we find the woman who’d done the sketchy things sobbing in her car. Whatever happens next is anyone’s guess, that was pretty much the last scene of that show. But, it would seem the moral high ground she stood on was obliterated when her own sins were thrown in her face. In that moment, maybe she realized she could’ve just as easily been the one being led out in handcuffs.

Compassion isn’t easy. It’s very often something I have to ask God for; to give me eyes to see something or someone through His lens of grace. And if I’m being honest, I don’t always want to see through His lens. My own moral high ground can be miles high.

Admittedly, I’ve done some sketchy and deplorable things. But, that doesn’t always make me more compassionate towards those who have done similar sketchy or deplorable things. I justify my lack of compassion by saying, a choice is a choice, and consequences will follow. Has God forgiven me, yes. Have I forgiven myself? Yes, no, maybe? Ask me later, I’m working on it.

In Matthew 18:21-25, Jesus told this parable of the unforgiving debtor:

“Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.””

If the unforgiving debtor answered the king’s question what would have been his defense in retaliating the way he did by throwing his own servant into prison after being forgiven of his own debt?

My guess is that he was angry and embarrassed over the fact he had shown mercy to his servant prior to being put into the precarious position of having to beg for his and his family’s freedom. Why else did his servant owe him? While he didn’t forgive the debt, he allowed his servant to fall behind in payment. This caused a ripple effect on him to fall behind in his own payments. Am I right? Hard to say.

Anger and embarrassment make poor excuses as justification for bad behavior. The unforgiving debtor had his millions of debt totally forgiven. Why wasn’t he dancing in the streets and singing with joy? Maybe he was more tied to his debt than to his new found freedom. Maybe he wanted to ensure he would never be put into that type situation again? We’re not given his answer.

I believe it’s because whatever unforgiveness we harbor in our hearts is personal and complicated and why we need Jesus to be the mediator. He’s the only one who totally understands and freely forgives when we confess, and repent. His compassion has no bounds. He doesn’t hold back His grace. He loves to see His children walk freely in the gifts He so generously gives.

When I said compassion doesn’t always come easy, could it be I have yet to fully receive the total forgiveness of my Savior? Am I more tied to my sins than my redemption? Am I walking in freedom? I dare say, not yet. Is that reason to heap more judgement on myself or others? No. Is it an excuse to partner with animosity? No.

Instead, it’s an opportunity to invite God into my mess and allow Him to show me the way forward. Expecting any part of that journey to be perfect or free of sin is just heaping condemnation upon myself. Ick!! I’ll say that again, ick!!

Maybe now you can understand a bit better why the unforgiving debtor wasn’t dancing in the streets or singing for joy. Maybe just maybe, he didn’t know or fully grasp what being fully forgiving looks like. Maybe his own self condemnation was so strong the gift he was given was left partially wrapped with the answer he could never fully comprehend. Your debt is completely forgiven and has been paid in full.

The answer is simple, acceptance. It’s a daily exchange with God to accept and receive His love. I can so overcomplicate it. Maybe you do as well. Thankfully, it’s a process, a journey, and not a one and done. It’s easy to make the mistake of thinking God is through with you, when you’ve given up on yourself. But, that’s just now the way He operates.

So, if you find yourself in a place of unforgiveness know you’re not alone. It doesn’t mean we remain in this place, it means we persevere with faith and trust that God will work ALL things out. The good, the bad, and the unlovely. And if you think you’re better than someone else, my friend, it’s time to step off that moral high ground and remember we’re all human, we ALL fall short of the glory of God. Yet, He loves us anyways. And that’s something good we can all wrap our hearts around.

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Moral High Ground

I watched a tv show. To summarize, over time, one woman had done some pretty sketchy things but justified her behavior by saying her actions were what was best for her employer. She was “protecting” them. Another woman, who worked for this same employer, also over time had done some deplorable things per the one who’d done the sketchy things. At some point the woman who’d done the sketchy things, determined the woman who’d done the deplorable things needed to suffer the consequences of her actions.

Now, the woman who’d done the sketchy things, had been forgiven of her transgressions by her employer. You’d think that woulda made her more compassionate towards the woman who’d done the deplorable things. It didn’t. It seemed to make her more determined to see her “enemy” suffer the consequences she felt she deserved. Did she confront the woman she took issue with? No. Instead, these two skeptically watched each other wondering what the other was doing, all the while, doing sketchy and deplorable things.

The time came and the one who’d seemingly done the deplorable things got arrested. As she was being escorted out of the building by police, she saw the one who’d done the sketchy things and confronted her. She threw her sketchiness in her face by reminding her of all she’d done. The woman retaliated with how much of a monster she was. The woman in cuffs said, she knew what she was, but then asked very simply to the other woman, “Do you”?

The look on her face said it all. Next scene, we find the woman who’d done the sketchy things sobbing in her car. Whatever happens next is anyone’s guess, that was pretty much the last scene of that show. But, it would seem the moral high ground she stood on was obliterated when her own sins were thrown in her face. In that moment, maybe she realized she could’ve just as easily been the one being led out in handcuffs.

Compassion isn’t easy. It’s very often something I have to ask God for; to give me eyes to see something or someone through His lens of grace. And if I’m being honest, I don’t always want to see through His lens. My own moral high ground can be miles high.

Admittedly, I’ve done some sketchy and deplorable things. But, that doesn’t always make me more compassionate towards those who have done similar sketchy or deplorable things. I justify my lack of compassion by saying, a choice is a choice, and consequences will follow. Has God forgiven me, yes. Have I forgiven myself? Yes, no, maybe? Ask me later, I’m working on it.

In Matthew 18:21-25, Jesus told this parable of the unforgiving debtor:

“Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.””

If the unforgiving debtor answered the king’s question what would have been his defense in retaliating the way he did by throwing his own servant into prison after being forgiven of his own debt?

My guess is that he was angry and embarrassed over the fact he had shown mercy to his servant prior to being put into the precarious position of having to beg for his and his family’s freedom. Why else did his servant owe him? While he didn’t forgive the debt, he allowed his servant to fall behind in payment. This caused a ripple effect on him to fall behind in his own payments. Am I right? Hard to say.

Anger and embarrassment make poor excuses as justification for bad behavior. The unforgiving debtor had his millions of debt totally forgiven. Why wasn’t he dancing in the streets and singing with joy? Maybe he was more tied to his debt than to his new found freedom. Maybe he wanted to ensure he would never be put into that type situation again? We’re not given his answer.

I believe it’s because whatever unforgiveness we harbor in our hearts is personal and complicated and why we need Jesus to be the mediator. He’s the only one who totally understands and freely forgives when we confess, and repent. His compassion has no bounds. He doesn’t hold back His grace. He loves to see His children walk freely in the gifts He so generously gives.

When I said compassion doesn’t always come easy, could it be I have yet to fully receive the total forgiveness of my Savior? Am I more tied to my sins than my redemption? Am I walking in freedom? I dare say, not yet. Is that reason to heap more judgement on myself or others? No. Is it an excuse to partner with animosity? No.

Instead, it’s an opportunity to invite God into my mess and allow Him to show me the way forward. Expecting any part of that journey to be perfect or free of sin is just heaping condemnation upon myself. Ick!! I’ll say that again, ick!!

Maybe now you can understand a bit better why the unforgiving debtor wasn’t dancing in the streets or singing for joy. Maybe just maybe, he didn’t know or fully grasp what being fully forgiving looks like. Maybe his own self condemnation was so strong the gift he was given was left partially wrapped with the answer he could never fully comprehend. Your debt is completely forgiven and has been paid in full.

The answer is simple, acceptance. It’s a daily exchange with God to accept and receive His love. I can so overcomplicate it. Maybe you do as well. Thankfully, it’s a process, a journey, and not a one and done. It’s easy to make the mistake of thinking God is through with you, when you’ve given up on yourself. But, that’s just now the way He operates.

So, if you find yourself in a place of unforgiveness know you’re not alone. It doesn’t mean we remain in this place, it means we persevere with faith and trust that God will work ALL things out. The good, the bad, and the unlovely. And if you think you’re better than someone else, my friend, it’s time to step off that moral high ground and remember we’re all human, we ALL fall short of the glory of God. Yet, He loves us anyways. And that’s something good we can all wrap our hearts around.

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What a Waste

Every time I see a Whitney Houston movie or hear one of her songs, I always think, “What a waste.” Hear me out before you attack. I’m not calling her a waste. On the contrary, that woman was phenomenal. If you really listen to her voice, the passion, the depth, the incandescent beauty of her range, it will bring you to tears. On the outside looking in, she was beautifully flawless. It’s no wonder she was nicknamed “The Voice”. She had one problem. She was human. There’s not a single one of us that doesn’t suffer from the same thing. We all have our stuff. Being human comes with a price.

Whitney had an extraordinary gift and the world ravishes those who take center stage like she did. Everybody wanted a piece of her. She did the work, and those closet to her, rode the wave of her success, not caring one iota of how it affected her. Greed knows no bounds.

I don’t know how true the latest movie made of her life is, but if you haven’t watched, ”I Wanna Dance With Somebody”, I highly recommend it. I cried. I sighed, “What a waste”. What I mean by that is, what a tragic loss. Yet, it’s so much more encompassing than that.

All the money, fame, awards, accolades, fandom, and things this world has to offer, wasn’t enough. Or maybe it was too much. Her way of escaping the reality of it all…drugs. I wonder if her dealer ever felt any kind of remorse over his choice to provide something he knew at any time could kill her? I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, choices matter.

Portrayed in the movie on the night of her death, Whitney was working on her comeback. She had gone through an intense rehab program, and was doing seemingly ok. But, no one really knows what’s going on deep in the places no one can see. For whatever reason, Whitney chose to get high that fateful night. There’s no way she could’ve known that decision, would be one of her last. If she had, would she choose death?

Addiction has no boundaries. It knows your weakness and its satisfaction is your destruction. It’s appetite is insatiable. No one sets out to be an addict. It happens. Everyone who becomes an addict has a story. Like you and me, they are a living, breathing, person. Someone’s child, sister, brother, family member, and friend. Have you ever heard a child say, “I wanna be an addict when I grow up”? Probably not.

If you’ve never been addicted to anything, I daresay callousness will keep you from ever understanding or having compassion for those who suffer from it. Be careful looking at others through disdained colored eyes though, addiction comes in many forms besides drugs and alcohol.

Your addiction may not look like those who suffer from the ill effects of drugs and alcohol, but it’s still just as detrimental to your soul. Don’t get me started on porn and sexual immorality, and the far reaching, gut wrenching, dastardly, heinous, and vile paths of destruction they leave in their wake. Like I said, be careful throwing stones from inside glass houses. Haughty eyes looking down on others doesn’t lessen your own sin.

Escaping addiction is not a simple choice. Contrary to what so many think, you can’t wish it away. It takes intentionality. It means looking hard at yourself and realizing you’re worth so much more than what you’re doing. Sometimes, it’s seeing your loved one dead on the floor and that image burned in your brain to keep you from returning to its evil clutches.

More than that, it’s a surrender. I’ve heard stories where God removes the want of a particular addiction from a person immediately. I’ve heard other stories where family members pray for years for their loved one. But, we can’t change people. That job belongs to God. Understanding His ways, also not our job. I guess my point in all this is compassion reaches so much farther than contempt and arrogance.

The night I planned to take my own life, I hit my knees in full surrender to God. My life didn’t change overnight and I for sure didn’t know what I was doing. The mess I’d made of my life through my bad choices had to change. Surrender was my only option. Bit by bit, step by step, from glory to glory God restores what the enemy stole.

There are days I still wonder what the point is, what does it matter, and who cares, but because God gives me another day, I press on. Lord, use me. Help me, help others. Who needs to hear from you? I don’t do this perfectly, but God doesn’t expect perfect. That alone gives me space to breathe and be the clay He wants to mold.

I don’t necessarily know who you are, but if you’re reading this, you’re not your addiction. You’re so much more interesting than that lie. You have a story. You have purpose. You have things to do that were planned for you long ago by the Creator of the universe. It’s never too late to begin again as long as there’s breath in you.

At the beginning of this story, I said I always think, “What a waste,” when it comes to hearing or seeing something about Whitney. Again, not because she’s that, but because of the tragedy of it all. But even after death, God is still able to use her life as a testimony, beyond the grave. Friends, God is a God of abundance, not waste.

Romans 8:28 reminds us that God is always working. He uses it all.

And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV ~ caps emphasis added)

Whitney’s life was not a waste. It was a beautiful and tragic reminder of the good and evil in this world. If we’re honest, isn’t that what being human is all about? Isn’t that why the Apostle Paul tells us to:

…be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” ~ Ephesians 6:10-13 (NIV)

Stand your ground my friend! You’re part of a grander plan in place to defeat the darkness in this world. No, you are not a waste, you are more than a conqueror. And no matter where you are in this moment, God is still working, and He still loves you. Emphasis on still. It means He never stopped. Now it’s up to you. Choose wisely.

Much love and grace to you!

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Check Your Thoughts

My baby brother has been heavily on my mind the past few days. I miss his voice. I miss his laugh. I miss his hugs. I hold onto these precious memories in my heart, and I smile. He thought of himself as quite the jokester. He loved to make others laugh.

Those people, the ones that love to make others laugh, watch over them. Typically, they carry a deep amount of pain and suffering. They know what it’s like to hit the bottom and keep clawing their way up to the top; even if it’s only to take one deep gulping breath before going under, once again.

My brother had been told the majority of his life he was overweight. It’s not like he didn’t know. It’s not like he needed someone to remind him of that fact. He knew. Was he helpless to do anything about it? Only he knows. Did he want to do something about it? I daresay, yes. Yes, he did.

I say this because during one of our conversations, his pain filled voice tore at my heart as he told me that he knew he needed to walk. But it hurt to walk because his knees were shot. He said he knew he needed to keep going. He struggled to get the next words out as he slowly repeated, “I need to keep walking.” The tone of his voice was a strained, tear-filled, guttural whisper.

I asked how I could help. I desperately wanted to help. I didn’t know how to help, but I was willing to do whatever it took. Unfortunately, wanting to help those who don’t want help is next to impossible. Especially when you don’t know how to accept help.

Was it pride? I don’t think so. We learned from a very early age that in order to survive we had only ourselves to rely on. Kinda sucks as a child, the people you were dependent on were too wrapped up in their own survival skills brought on by their addictions to be of any real help.

We may be in charge of our own inner healing, but it can be tough trying to figure out where to start. Especially when there’s a searing, all consuming pain that if we’re honest, we know deep in our core nothing of this earth can ever heal.

Instead of beginning the healing process you grab the nearest thing that makes you feel oblivious to the pain consuming your heart and mind. I get it. I did it too. Truth be told, alcohol didn’t make anything better. It made everything worse. So much worse.

My brother never got the chance to see what it would be like to live without being under the influence of alcohol. His body, worn out from the ill-effects of its evil clutches, finally waved the white flag of surrender. They say he went peacefully in his sleep. God only knows if that’s true, but it’s my heart cry that it’s so.

How do we keep missing the mark? How do we keep seeing people for who they are on the outside without seeing their heart? How do we stop being so judgemental of others and ourselves? Why is it so much harder to be kind to those who we deem “different” from ourselves?

How do we continue to live in a country that wants their people sick so someone can get rich off our illness? How do we stop taking our pain out on others through heinous acts of violence? How do we stop the hate? How do we stop the greed? How do we stop the excess of everything?

So many questions with few answers and even less action being taken to do something about it, at least that I can see. Is it any wonder with so many questions and few answers, we grab onto what we think will give us comfort. Please understand when I say “we”, I also mean, me.

I saw someone recently post that thoughts and prayers aren’t working. That thoughts and prayers aren’t enough. I’m going to say very simply then you don’t know the One to whom you’re praying. Because if you did, you know that praying is more than asking. I’m going to try and break this down.

Thoughts aren’t working. First off, what are your thoughts? Because your thoughts matter. Our mind is our biggest battlefield. Our thoughts are constantly being invaded by ALL the things around us.

ALL the things we watch, ALL the things we see, ALL the things we allow into our beings. ALL the things we believe. Do you hate someone or something? That drives your thoughts. Do you love someone or something? That drives your thoughts. I think you get the picture here.

Indeed, our thoughts may be the enemy and not helping. No where in the Bible does it say our thoughts are the answer. Let’s face it, on any given day, our thoughts can be downright awful. Especially about ourselves. So, yeah, maybe thoughts, and vibes aren’t working to make radical change happen. Yeah, that was definitely sarcasm.

Prayer on the other hand is another issue entirely. You know what happens when you pray? It changes you. It changes your thoughts. It takes your eyes off yourself and puts things back into God’s hands.

But if you don’t know God, if you don’t have a relationship with Him, then, guess what? Your thoughts are left to their own detrimental playground. I may know a thing or two bazillion about that.

Prayer isn’t complicated. It’s simply having a conversion with the Creator of ALL things, heaven and earth. It can be a short conversation, “Lord, help me,” or a long drawn out pleading of your heart. Totally up to you. But, did you know that we’re to pray continually? That’s right. Continually.

Prayer, abiding in, and seeking God, changes you, from the inside out. So, I have to wholeheartedly disagree that prayers aren’t working. However, they may not be working the way you want them to work. Ouch. Yeah, I know that stings.

We’re not God. Not for our lack of trying. We don’t know the bigger picture or purpose. We for sure don’t have all the answers. So, if prayer or the outcome of prayer isn’t working your way, maybe, just maybe, you should check your thoughts.

Friend, we have a mighty God who knows exactly what to do in ALL circumstances. If you’ve not prayed in a while and don’t know where to begin, that’s ok. Jesus taught us how to pray.

“This, then, is how you should pray: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” ~ Matthew 6:9-13 (NIV)

And all God’s people said…AMEN!

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Heartbroken

I’m so incredibly heartbroken over the latest senseless murders in Nashville. I’m so distraught in my soul that we’ve yet to discuss how to better protect our schools from people hell bent on killing children and adults for their own evil desires. I’m so sick of labeling the killers as this mental disease or another. I’m so sick of hearing we need more gun control. All we do is talk, talk, talk, with little to no action. All we do is feed the daily narrative. Mostly, I’m so sick and heartbroken of hearing how our children are being traumatized and murdered.

We’ve become a country of excuses and object blame. We’ve become pawns in the game of far left or far right. We’ve made enemies of eachother over politics, and people/children are dying because of it. We literally can’t agree on what’s most important. We’ve turned politics into an idol and placed a figurative elephant and donkey on a pedestal and bowed down to its’ perceived authority. How is that any different from years ago when the Israelites took their gold and turned it into a golden calf then literally bowed down to their jewelry and trinkets giving it praise and worship? As if polished jewelry turned into a calf somehow gave it god-like powers. It was literally a man-made statue. And don’t even get me started on how we still idolize jewelry today.

Unfortunately, murder is nothing new. It’s as old as time. We can argue all day long about gun control, but that won’t stop the murdering. We’ve proved long ago that when killing is the motive we can make a weapon out of anything. Evil will do what evil is intent on doing. Can you say Cain and Abel? God didn’t mess around when He approached Cain about the murder of his brother. He didn’t label Cain with this or that malady. He even warned Him not to let his anger get the best of him. Cain didn’t listen. He did what was in his heart to do. He murdered his brother over jealousy.

Audrey Hale was fully aware of what she was about to do. She even told a friend about it. Not her exact plans, but enough that her friend contacted the police. Audrey wanted to kill herself. She wanted to die. She wanted to kill. And she did. It was pre-meditated. Her labels don’t change the fact she knew what was morally right and wrong. Yet, we give her an out, based on her mental illness. We highlight her high functioning autism and her choice of transgenderism and blame her heinous action on her mental illness. I can’t help but ask the question, are we making an idol out of mental illness? Please understand I’m not attacking mental illness. I know all too well the effects. I’m just asking are we now using it as a common place excuse of accountability.

The only person who truly knows what happened to Audrey, is God. He knows exactly what brought her to the point of destruction. All we have now are best guesses and a supposed manifesto. All we’ll be fed is what the media wants us to know and then believe. Be careful what you choose to believe as “truth.”

What we do know from the video footage is, it didn’t matter the school doors were locked, the glass wasn’t bulletproof. But, you can bet your sweet patootie those political figure heads who tout gun control have bullet-proof vehicles, panic rooms/bunkers, and security details armed heavily with what….oh, that would be guns. This is not a message about gun control. Just simply pointing out the hypocrisy of this nation.

I love my country. I served in the military for my country. I love that once upon a time, immigrants looked to this country as a dream fulfilling sanctuary. I love so many things about this country. But, I would be remiss to talk about all the good and nothing of the evil that infiltrates and plagues it.

No, this is not my typical type of blog. I don’t normally want to talk about the evils of this world, because it’s easier to mourn and then sweep it under the rug than it is to face. It’s big and scary and most times so unbelievable that this is what our country has become, that hiding in my home feels safer than being out in the world.

But, you see, I’m a child of God and greater is He that is in me, than he who is in the world. (John 4:4) I do not have a spirit of fear. I have a spirit of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) Hiding in my home serves no one but me. I’ve been called to serve. I’ve been called to fight the good fight of faith. (1 Timothy 6:12) It matters in whom your faith is placed. Have you checked your heart lately to see where and in whom your faith is placed?

God warned us that we would have trouble in this world, but to take heart because He overcame the world. Remember, God warned Cain before He killed Abel. He gave him a way out. Cain didn’t take it. The free will given to us is a gift. How we use it, is a choice. Our choices, every single one of them, matters.

I can’t begin to imagine the horrific fear, pain, and sorrow these families are experiencing. My heart is broken for them. My soul cries out for justice. I ask, if you’ve read this far to please pray for the families and community of this latest, senseless tragedy. Please also pray for Audrey Hale’s family. Despite what happened, they also lost their loved one.

Six lives tragically taken from this world. Six lives who will no longer suffer the pains and sorrows of this world. Six lives that woke up, went about their day with absolutely no knowledge of what was coming. Six lives, now safely in the arms of Jesus.

Evelyn Dieckhaus, 9
William Kinney, 9
Hallie Scruggs, 9
Mike Hill, 61
Katherine Koonce, 60
Cynthia Peak, 61

Rest in Peace

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A New Decade

A loud noise interrupts my peaceful morning. Excuse me! Don’t you know it’s my birthday? I’m guessing not. The sound is coming from a wood chipper and chain saws. Several men dressed in brightly colored vests are diligently working on the removal of two very large trees from my neighbor’s yard. The larger the tree limb, the louder the wood chipper noise.

I decided to watch these tree whackers do their job. They took great care as they worked their way up the tree felling those large limbs, while giving them plenty of room to make their way to the ground. Then the ground crew got to work, and into the wood chipper they’d go. From tree limb to sawdust.

I don’t know if trees feel pain. I’m guessing if they did, that was a lot to bear all at once. I thought to myself, I’m so thankful when God prunes away the things that need to go in my life, He doesn’t do it all at once. Like those lumberjacks, God also takes great care when He leads me through the pruning process.

As I stated earlier, today’s my birthday. Not just any birthday. The beginning of a new decade birthday. Age is just a number, right? I sure don’t feel 60 years old. I have peace with this number. I know, 60 is an age not granted to all. But here I am. God blessed me with another day and has walked me through a lot of pruning. A LOT of pruning. And, there’s still more to come.

Best part about my birthday? It’s also the first official day of Spring. I can almost hear the tulips and daffodils tapping on the ground to make way for their glorious entrance. That’s right, I said glorious.

The older I get, the more appreciation I have for this thing called life. There’s a lot less I find important. The simple things in life really are the best. I no longer put so much pressure on myself to perform. I figure, if you want to be in my life, you’ll be there. Begging someone to be part of my life, is no longer part of who I am.

Other people are not in charge of my life. Giving someone that kind of control robs me of who God calls me to be. I found people pleasing to be exhausting and a thief of precious time.

Worrying about what others think, gives them way too much power. The sad part is, you only find out just what a waste of time it was/is, when you realize those people weren’t even giving you a second thought. They were literally living their life while you wasted yours away, worrying about what to do based on a perceived outcome. Y’all this took me sooo long to learn.

Learning is a gift. Don’t ever stop learning. Don’t ever think you know it all, because you don’t. What a beautiful gift God has given us…to share, learn, love, and grow with one another. He graciously gives us what we need for each season and He lovingly prunes always what needs to be thrown into that wood chipper. Hanging onto things longer than necessary, leaves little room for things to come.

I have no idea what’s in store for me in this new decade, but I trust the One who created me to do what He planned for me long ago. So, I’m going into it with my hands, heart, eyes, and ears wide open for what God wants to do. He’s the only one who knows me through and through and remembers all I’ve forgotten. He knows all the things I have no clue about and yet, He’s ready to show me things when it’s the correct time.

So, on this first day of Spring and my birthday, let me remind you, God’s not even close to being done with what He’s started in you. He’s not mad at you. He’s not cursing you out. He’s not forgotten you. He absolutely loves you with an everlasting love. He sings over you and He has things meant just for you. Get ready my friend, because God’s always up to something new! And He always finishes what He starts. Much love to you!

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The Way Out

I dreamt about you last night. You hadn’t changed a bit. It was as if time stood still for you. I woke from the dream and so many emotions hit me at once. I couldn’t fall asleep fast enough to make those feelings disappear.

In the dream I was hanging out with my friend. You came busting into my room just like you used to when I was growing up. You weren’t a tall man, but you had some girth. I’ll never know this side of heaven what happened in your life to you to make you so mean. But, you were good at it.

When you finished with your tirade of terror you simply left. My friend and I looked at each other in disbelief. She was visibly shaken. I said, typical, and off we went about our day.

You started terrorizing my friend and I with your abusive words. You shouted at us as if there was a busy intersection standing between us and you needed to be heard above the noise. Except, the room was quiet. My friend and I were frozen in fear. We made not a peep. We both knew better than to argue with a drunk. Your word spattering caused spittle to hit our faces. There was no more room left to back up into.

The next day you came back. Only this time, I was ready for you. I stopped you in your tracks. Seething inside, I got as close to you as I could. My face twisted in a mix of hurt and anger. I dug deep to get my courage up and I spoke with tears in the back of my throat, and false bravado on the tip of my tongue. There was no way you were gonna visibly see my pain.

I carefully chose my words, and told you, no more. You were not welcome here and to take your venomous hide and get out and don’t ever come back. For surely if you did, you’d find yourself behind bars where you belonged. Instantly, iron bars popped up between us and we glared at one another through the spacing. You turned and left the room. But, the bars remained. A noise from outside jarred me awake.

Funny thing about the iron bars in that dream. Until the offender left the room, I couldn’t tell who was behind them, until they left. That’s the thing about unforgiveness. The other person goes about their business and you’re left standing behind the bars. A prison of sorts that keeps you from fully living life.

The person in my dream, was my dad. He passed away years ago, yet the remnants of his unsolicited bouts of drunken rage, still creep in. It’s a stark reminder that some inner healing is still needed. I don’t think you can put a time limit on healing. I think it’s a slippery slope when we falsely believe that whatever the thing is that hurt you, should only take so much time.

I’ve heard if you’ve been in a relationship, and you break up, the amount of time to heal, is half the amount of time you were together. I’m not sure who said that first.

I can tell you, years ago I forgave my earthly Father. I remember crying for the person who I believed to have been so hurt, the hurt turned into rage. I cried for my family who suffered at the hands of that hurt. But, every so often, something crops up and I realize I need to forgive that piece.

That’s the thing isn’t it? The pain and hurt didn’t occur all at once. So why would we be inclined to think the remaining broken bits and pieces get put back together all at once?

No, it’s a journey. It’s not a marathon. It’s like those growing pains we experienced as our bodies grew. But, I can report that as I type this, I’m not crying. Im not holding back any tears. My insides don’t feel all twisted up inside and I have peace. I actually have joy. Despite the realism of the dream, my soul is at rest. That’s a huge win! H.U.G.E

The thing is, I had to work through ALL those painful things. Stuffing them down, glossing over them, and hiding behind humor, only delayed my healing. Facing them head on and getting them out of my system was the only way out of my destructive patterns.

I love when the Word of God finally clicks. Sometimes I read things in the Bible, and I’m like, what the?? But, since I know God’s Word doesn’t return void, is living and active, and will do what it sets out to do, and God is always working, I don’t dwell on what I don’t know…yet.

This morning, I finally got it. It’s not to say I didn’t comprehend what the apostle Paul wrote here, and each time I read it, but now I’ve experienced it. Hebrews 12: 1-3 says:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

I firmly believe the race marked out for me in this season of my life is healing. To stop the madness of performing for love and acceptance and constantly doing more to prove my worth. To calm my inner self and shut my brain down from flight or fight mode, with Jesus at the helm.

To say this has been hard, is an understatement. It was learning to say no, and be ok with it. To say no, and not worry about how it affected others. But, also understanding that saying yes in certain instances would’ve been more damaging to my soul. Understanding it’s ok to put me first was not going to break the world, and others would survive. Because, let’s face it, I’m not the one holding any one up.

There’s really only one way out of that unforgiveness prison. You can try to shortcut the way around, but you’ll be missing pieces of the journey. Eventually the pieces you try to avoid will come back round. So, my advice, persevere and work through it all. Every last piece. However long it takes.

Your healing is in your hands. No one else is in charge of it. No one else is responsible for it. However long it takes is your testimony. God won’t quit, so don’t you quit. Why? Because you’re life was bought at a price. Jesus persevered through death so you could live! And He promises that He’ll continue to do the good work He started in you. (Philippians 1:6)

He’ll finish what He started. Hang in there friend, there’s so much light at the end of the tunnel.

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I Can’t Hear You

Do you remember being little, putting your hands over your ears, shouting obnoxiously loud, “I can’t hear you!” and then making all sorts of vocally misconstrued cacophony at your targeted nemesis? You know, the person who refused to listen when you told them you didn’t want to hear something? Heck, maybe you’ve even done this as an adult. I know I have.

This morning, I got myself around to workout. I’d love to say I’ve been consistently working out, but, I can’t. So, like the lyrics to the Whitesnake song, “Here I go again”.

The first routine started and the instructor repeated the words to the song that was playing. “Where are you”? It only took seconds for me to see where I was. I got a strong visual of myself sitting comfortably crossed legged, looking down in dark, muddy waters, swirling my hand around. I stopped the workout and I stood there in disbelief.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I asked God, “How did I get here… again”? But, this was different. It wasn’t a place where I’d been feeling shame, or guilt. No. This place was a safe place for me. I didn’t feel alone. I felt peace.

The water swirling around by the motion of my hand was receding water. I wasn’t overtaken by the water. I was actually, ok. I wasn’t fearful. I wasn’t kicking and screaming inside my soul. I wasn’t pushing against what God wanted to do in me. I was being still. I was waiting. More importantly, I was shutting the world out, and allowing God to heal my innermost parts.

So this, at least for me, is what it meant “to be still” AND “know He is God”.

A little over a year ago, I moved into a new to me home, subsequently resigned my position at work, and became a mostly empty nester. There were no Bible studies happening in my home and it was pretty much, me, myself, and lots and lots of time. In that time, came tears, pushing against the life as it was, and letting go of preconceived notions of how my life should look.

For the first time, I could sense and feel the anxiety I didn’t even know I had. The constant pushing of my soul to do more and be more. Reaching for something yet holding onto nothing. All for what? Acceptance. Validation. Love. In this place, even though I knew it, my heart had yet to grasp it. Performance based love, is a terrible taskmaster.

Unlearning years of performance based love is a journey. Oh, how I wanted it to be a sprint. Learning to say no to something or someone, over people pleasing, is both hard and freeing. Hearing “No is a complete sentence”, was a game changer for me. I can more easily recognize the nerves bundling up inside me when someone or something is trying to bulldoze me into submission. I have a right to stand up for myself. I have a right to be who God made me to be. And it’s ok, and I’ll be ok, if someone walks away.

Another game changer for me … “You can’t care more about someone’s problems, than they do”. Maybe, switch out “worry” for “care”. God never said to worry over someone’s else’s life. He said carry each other’s burdens. That pretty much means to bring a form of relief. Worry, is not relief.

Speaking of worry. During this time, I saw my life as a form of punishment for all the things, I wasn’t doing “right”. It caused me great angst and grief. This is also tied to performing. How could I be loved by God when I was doing everything wrong? I daresay, that’s the wrong question. Why, couldn’t I receive the love God was freely giving? That, was the question that flipped the punishment script.

When you view your life as a punishment, you do “life” differently. You cocoon in the comforts of this life. Binging television. Eating what you want. Marathon sessions of couch sitting. Like you could win the gold medal at this event. You say things like, “What does it matter”? “This is as good as it gets”. Worse still, you slowly back away from God, and scoff at His promises for your life, believing they’re for anyone else but you.

But, I’m here to tell you, even in this place, God doesn’t stop pursuing you. He’ll send people into your life to speak, truth, and honor. He’ll set you on people’s minds and they’ll reach out to you in ways you never saw coming. His people will testify of the troubles they’ve walked through and came out the other side and you’ll be in just the right place and the right time, and instead of bouncing off you, His truth will settle in you.

Then, you’ll know that you were never alone. He was with you. He did not forsake you. He literally loved you through it and He kept His promises.

Separation from all the things, will show you, who or what you’ve been placing your trust, hope, and love in and who’s voice is louder, the worlds or Gods. In this place, at least for me, I found God wasn’t silent, He was doing work I couldn’t see. He was going deeper than I knew I needed. He was healing things I long shut out and minimized.

If the world’s voice is overwhelming you, it may be time to cover your ears and shout with obnoxious enthusiasm, “I can’t hear you”. Then get quiet, and let God do the talking. Remember, God doesn’t want just pieces and parts of you. He wants all of you. And when He knows you’re ready, He’ll make it known in love. Not in punishment or condemnation.

If you’re ready my friend, He’s waiting. He’s been waiting. And what He has for you, will absolutely change you and the way you see Him, and the way you see yourself. Dare to believe because God is good, so are you.

Much love and peace to you!

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Fresh Grace for Today

God's mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. Lam 3:23

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