Blessed to be Broken

In the infamous words sung by Barry Manilow, “Looks like we made it”. But, just those words, don’t sing the rest of the song. It doesn’t apply.

I don’t know about you, but the older I get, the more I appreciate making it one more day, one more week, one more month, and yes, one more year.

It’s not to say 2024 didn’t have the nerve to be imperfect, because let me tell you, it did. It had nerve and then some.

There were days I laughed, blew bubbles, and got downright silly.

But, if I’m honest, those days weren’t as frequent as the tears that would come out of seemingly nowhere.

You know the ones.

The big ol’ crocodile tears reminding you that life didn’t turn out like you hoped or thought.

The ones that remind you, you did what you were supposed to, but then you found yourself wondering, “How did I get here”?

It’s not to say the “here” is bad. It’s just not what it used to be. Or again, how I thought it’d be.

I also don’t know exactly how I’d thought it’d be. It’s a quandary to be sure.

I just didn’t think it’d be whatever this stage of life is currently.

I don’t know what being an empty nester looks like for you. But, for me, it means my home is no longer the center of attention. Eeek Gads!

For years, I made sure everyone was taken care of, and if possible, had all they needed. Obviously a single person can’t fulfill a person’s total needs. That’s not our job.

But, if it were in my realm of expertise and means, I got done what needed to be done.

My role has changed and it’s imperative to change with it. Yup, I said the dreaded word…dun, dun, dun…change.

I want to embrace the change. I will embrace the change. But, this Christmas Eve, I found myself needing a minute.

More than a minute. I think it’s safe to say, if there was one word for 2024 that described my life, it was, gulp, grieve. Did you say yikes? Me too!

I didn’t even know it until Christmas Eve.

One minute I was like Dolly Parton, singing “I’ll be fine and dandy”, and the next minute, the tears wouldn’t stop, and it was like a “hard candy Christmas“.

I believe, at least for me, before you step into the new thing God wants to do in, and through you, you need to grieve what you’ve lost.

Obviously, I’m still a mom. But, my son doesn’t need the “tell him what to do mom.” He needs the, “I’m listening, and how can I help, mom”.

Oooh, but you know I want to fix whatever needs fixing, right?! The trouble with that is, I’m not living his life. He is.

His experiences are not going to be what my experiences were. So, he has to navigate the life he’s chosen, and walk out his testimony. I can’t do that for him.

It should be a relief, right? Welp, it’s complicated.

It’s a delicate balance of being the mom he knows, and the mom I haven’t been before.

In that space, it’s essential to be kind to one’s self over abusive.

It’s easy to fall into the pity party for one trap and start telling yourself you’re, useless, unloved, unimportant, irrelevant, superfluous, a burden, or even an outcast.

None of that is true. The enemy would love for you to grab onto any one or more of those lies, and drown yourself in them. It gives him great pleasure to see you in misery. But, don’t you give that dog a bone.

In this in-between space, it’s important to remember that God still has a plan for you, and that plan didn’t stop the minute your child moved out of your house.

Nope, the season of raising your child may be over, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is over. It’s just changing.

Change is good. Change is necessary. Change is inevitable. Yet, Lord knows, change is hard.

So what’s a gal to do with all this change?

I wish it were as easy as waving a magic wand and “poofing” the answer into existence, but the truth is, I’m just beginning my journey.

There’s more I don’t know about what’s next than what I do right now.

I guess it’s time to figure out what makes me truly tick. What brings me joy? What makes my heart sing?

I’ll start with what I do know, and go from there.

Buh-bye, 2024. Thanks for the lessons and the memories. Glad you’re in my rear view.

Hello 2025, in case you forgot, let me introduce myself.

I’m a child of the One True King! He loves me with an everlasting love. I’m the apple of my Father’s eye. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. I’m chosen. My Father sings over me, and there’s nothing my God can’t do.

Alrighty then, let’s get this year started. It’s day one of the rest of our lives. Let’s do this thing!