Blessed to be Broken

There are several definitions of the word “jonesing” per the urban dictionary. In this case I chose the following definitions; “the act of needing something badly, usually related to chemical dependency and exhibiting a strong craving or desire for something eaten, imbibed, or taken as a drug; comes from the opiate culture.” Now, I have to go look up imbibed because I’m not entirely sure what it means.  Ah, it means, “to drink, to take in.”  

A few months back God and I made an agreement.  He told me to destroy all wine related “idols” in my house and I did.  Lots of money went in the trash that day. But it really wasn’t about the money.  I was doing really well for almost 3.5 months.  Then I back slid.  Not once, not twice, but a few times. I back slid so much I went and bought a case of my favorite wine because it was….say it with me…”on sale.”  But, every time I poured a glass of wine, I felt uneasy.  But….I wanted the wine, so I drank the uneasiness away.  Woke up the next day and I felt horrible.  Again, I vowed no more jonesing for wine.  But I didn’t destroy the wine like I did the first time, I wanted to prove that I could control this beast.

Trouble with that is, I felt the same way I did when I first destroyed the wine “idols.”  That still small voice was telling me to do something, and I wanted to prove otherwise. I am after all, equipped with will power, am I not?  Besides, other people are allowed to drink wine. Why a glass filled with “wine” is a common hand prop in most television shows.  But…in tv land, they are more than likely drinking grape juice or sparkling cider or something similar. But, those “other people” didn’t make an agreement with God to give something up.  I did.  Again, it’s not about the drinking, it’s about the drunkenness.  

So color me not shocked when a couple Sundays ago my pastor said these words as part of his sermon:

“Romans 13:13—We must also avoid the sin of “drunkenness.” The Bible never uses the word “alcoholic.” Alcoholism is supposed to be a disease, but it’s really the sin of drunkenness.  In April, 1988, the United States Supreme Court ruled that alcoholism is not a disease.  If alcoholism were a disease, it would be the only disease we bottle and sell for profit.  We drink for joy and become miserable.  We drink for sociability and become argumentative. We drink for sophistication and become obnoxious.  We drink to help us sleep and awake exhausted. We drink for exhilaration and end up depressed.  We drink to gain confidence and become afraid.  We drink to make conversation flow and become incoherent.  We drink to diminish our problems and see them multiply.”  He went on with statistics but I heard enough to know that my sin was not drinking; my sin was getting drunk.  And there wasn’t a single statement he read that didn’t pertain to me.

But I didn’t make an agreement with God to not get drunk, I made an agreement not to drink alcohol.  I asked God to take away the want for alcohol, but He said no, I want you to want me more.  So if every day I get to choose God, then so be it. I don’t “have” to choose Him….I “get” to choose Him. He shed His blood for me. Gave His life so that I could live the life He planned for me when He knit me in my mother’s womb.  Pretty sure I’m not living a holy life when I pick something up God asked me to put down and I agreed to the putting down.   

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve of what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will.” (NIV)  The chains of alcoholism run deep in my family and took away more than they ever gave.  He knows this. He knows what it cost not just my family but far too many others. In part, it almost cost me my own life.

Now here’s those statistics my pastor read off in his sermon:

“Ninety-five percent of college crime is alcohol-related. Half of all traffic accidents involve alcohol.  Alcohol is a major contributor to one-third of all suicides. Forty percent of all hospital admissions are alcohol-related.  Over half of all child-abuse involves alcohol. Alcoholics outnumber drug addicts ten to one.  There are three times as many alcohol-related deaths as deaths due to drug overdose.”  Whew, those are some pretty staggering statistics.

I am convicted.  So once again I chose the still small voice over what I wanted. I poured the liquid of my sin down the drain, repented and asked forgiveness.  And you know what….He forgave me. Yup, He loves me just that much and He forgives me way faster than I forgive myself.  His “do nots” are for my protection, to keep me from harm’s way. Who am I to question the good He wants for me.  And why would I want anything other than the life He planned for me?  “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10- (NIV)

I’m a handiwork, not a drunk.  I can take pride in choosing and living life for Jesus, I cannot take pride in being an alcoholic.  So this is me jonesing for Jesus!!  Halleluiah and Amen!! All the glory to God our Father!! 

By the way…what are you “jonesing” for?  Would love to hear your comments on what feeds your soul.  Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? He will meet you wherever you are!

Note: I do not have the references for the words my pastor spoke, only the notes which he gave me.