There are several definitions of the word “jonesing” per the urban dictionary. In this case I chose the following definitions; “the act of needing something badly, usually related to chemical dependency and exhibiting a strong craving or desire for something eaten, imbibed, or taken as a drug; comes from the opiate culture.” Now, I have to go look up imbibed because I’m not entirely sure what it means. Ah, it means, “to drink, to take in.”
A few months back God and I made an agreement. He told me to destroy all wine related “idols” in my house and I did. Lots of money went in the trash that day. But it really wasn’t about the money. I was doing really well for almost 3.5 months. Then I back slid. Not once, not twice, but a few times. I back slid so much I went and bought a case of my favorite wine because it was….say it with me…”on sale.” But, every time I poured a glass of wine, I felt uneasy. But….I wanted the wine, so I drank the uneasiness away. Woke up the next day and I felt horrible. Again, I vowed no more jonesing for wine. But I didn’t destroy the wine like I did the first time, I wanted to prove that I could control this beast.
Trouble with that is, I felt the same way I did when I first destroyed the wine “idols.” That still small voice was telling me to do something, and I wanted to prove otherwise. I am after all, equipped with will power, am I not? Besides, other people are allowed to drink wine. Why a glass filled with “wine” is a common hand prop in most television shows. But…in tv land, they are more than likely drinking grape juice or sparkling cider or something similar. But, those “other people” didn’t make an agreement with God to give something up. I did. Again, it’s not about the drinking, it’s about the drunkenness.
So color me not shocked when a couple Sundays ago my pastor said these words as part of his sermon:
“Romans 13:13—We must also avoid the sin of “drunkenness.” The Bible never uses the word “alcoholic.” Alcoholism is supposed to be a disease, but it’s really the sin of drunkenness. In April, 1988, the United States Supreme Court ruled that alcoholism is not a disease. If alcoholism were a disease, it would be the only disease we bottle and sell for profit. We drink for joy and become miserable. We drink for sociability and become argumentative. We drink for sophistication and become obnoxious. We drink to help us sleep and awake exhausted. We drink for exhilaration and end up depressed. We drink to gain confidence and become afraid. We drink to make conversation flow and become incoherent. We drink to diminish our problems and see them multiply.” He went on with statistics but I heard enough to know that my sin was not drinking; my sin was getting drunk. And there wasn’t a single statement he read that didn’t pertain to me.
But I didn’t make an agreement with God to not get drunk, I made an agreement not to drink alcohol. I asked God to take away the want for alcohol, but He said no, I want you to want me more. So if every day I get to choose God, then so be it. I don’t “have” to choose Him….I “get” to choose Him. He shed His blood for me. Gave His life so that I could live the life He planned for me when He knit me in my mother’s womb. Pretty sure I’m not living a holy life when I pick something up God asked me to put down and I agreed to the putting down.
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve of what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will.” (NIV) The chains of alcoholism run deep in my family and took away more than they ever gave. He knows this. He knows what it cost not just my family but far too many others. In part, it almost cost me my own life.
Now here’s those statistics my pastor read off in his sermon:
“Ninety-five percent of college crime is alcohol-related. Half of all traffic accidents involve alcohol. Alcohol is a major contributor to one-third of all suicides. Forty percent of all hospital admissions are alcohol-related. Over half of all child-abuse involves alcohol. Alcoholics outnumber drug addicts ten to one. There are three times as many alcohol-related deaths as deaths due to drug overdose.” Whew, those are some pretty staggering statistics.
I am convicted. So once again I chose the still small voice over what I wanted. I poured the liquid of my sin down the drain, repented and asked forgiveness. And you know what….He forgave me. Yup, He loves me just that much and He forgives me way faster than I forgive myself. His “do nots” are for my protection, to keep me from harm’s way. Who am I to question the good He wants for me. And why would I want anything other than the life He planned for me? “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10- (NIV)
I’m a handiwork, not a drunk. I can take pride in choosing and living life for Jesus, I cannot take pride in being an alcoholic. So this is me jonesing for Jesus!! Halleluiah and Amen!! All the glory to God our Father!!
By the way…what are you “jonesing” for? Would love to hear your comments on what feeds your soul. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? He will meet you wherever you are!
Note: I do not have the references for the words my pastor spoke, only the notes which he gave me.
Blessed to be Broken 
Once again sister, you have shared from your heart, taking that bold step of obedience in telling your story. Each time you open another part of your life story for us to read I am more amazed and grateful for God’s grace and redemptive love. Thank you for being so transparent and available for God to use. Love you sister ❤
Thanks Dianna!! All the glory to God!! It’s only through His strength I am able to make the right and only choice!! Love you too sister 🙂
Patricia, thank YOU for sharing your story. I use to be stuck in the traps of alcohol, but traded that addiction for another. Your blog has inspired me to work harder on the idols in my own life.
Those idols have a way of sneaking up and taking over without us realizing. Thankful for God’s grace, love and mercy as He walks ahead of us to make our paths straight!! Praying for you 🙂
Thank you for sharing and being so open about your struggles. It has caused me to look at the idols in my life.
I only ever thought of idols as being those things like statues of images and the likes. Once He showed me there were so many types of idols I have to say I was floored over the number in my life. He is a jealous God and we shall put nothing before Him. Thanks for your comments!! Blessings to you and yours 🙂
One time my pastor taught on new wine in old skins. …. But what I heard was “why are you putting old wine in New skins?” It made me realize that though I was a new creation I was filling my new skin with something from my past. It made me think about how many old habits my new creation was holding on to.
I pray you find in Jesus what we were hoping the wine would fulfill. He made us new skins to be filled with Living Water. God bless you my friend
Wow…that’s some really good stuff right there Janee and I appreciate you sharing that with me. I am choosing Living Water and letting that pattern of my life to be transformed and renewed. I slipped but that doesn’t mean I failed. And the enemy would totally have me believe I did just that. Thanks for passing along your words of godly wisdom. I truly appreciate it!! God bless you and yours as well. XO
Somedays our New Creation wants to revert to Old Habits. But in Christ, we are given everything we need to live out our New Lives….including Grace for when we stumble. Jesus knows our hearts – even better than we do. Jesus also knows what we are capable of being successful at. He would never ask us to do something knowing we were incapable of accomplishing it.