Blessed to be Broken

I couldn’t have planned the events of my yesterday as they transpired if I’d tried. It was as if I’d become a contestant in a live version of that old tv game show, called, “Let’s Make a Deal.”

Do you remember that show? No, I wasn’t dressed in a corny costume screaming for attention. And, I can’t say that any of the curtains revealed a ridiculous gag gift. I did feel as if multiple multi-colored curtains with hidden wonderment were in front of me.

I say wonderment, because all day I was like, “What are you up to, Lord?”

My plans for the day only partially played out. Mooser Moose, my faithful puppet dawg had an appointment to get his teeth cleaned. And I had Bible study. Both of those things went mostly as planned.

The rest of the day was a “not my will, but Lord, your will be done”. Although truth be told, that was my morning prayer before I even hopped out of bed. Little did I know just how much His plans would interrupt the course of my day.

I’m not ready to go into the full details of the day, but suffice it to say after I picked my granddaughter up from school we made an impromptu stop so we could use a restroom. Little did I know there’d be a hidden gem inside the ladies room.

The liquid hand wash container on the sink of that restroom immediately caught my attention. It simply said “Love Always Wins”.

It was a reminder to me about the Bible verse, 1 Corinthians 13:8, which states, “Love never fails.” There’s more to the verse if you look it up, but this is the part most people remember and quote.

While I had an inkling of what might happen next, I still couldn’t have imagined how it actually played out.

My plan was simple. Drop my granddaughter off at her dad’s, wait to hear from the vet so I could pick up Moose, and have a nice evening at home as the anesthesia worked its way out of his little body.

God had other plans. Imagine that.

I’ve prayed a prayer in various formats for years. I say various formats, because when you pray for years for something to happen, you look at things through different lenses as one year passes into the next.

However, that didn’t mean the cry of my heart changed. It’s complicated, and yet, not. And I bet, because you’ve also prayed for something for years, you know exactly what I mean.

As I stood in the shower earlier this week I cried in sync with the water coming out of my shower head. As the warm water hit my face and co-mingled with my hot tears, I felt the barricade where I hide my deepest thoughts bust wide open.

Silly thinking I could hide any of my deepest thoughts from my Heavenly Father who wants to heal every part of me. And yet, there I was thinking I was telling Him something He didn’t ready know. And yet, He listened.

Ok, back to yesterday.

My plan, pull into my son’s driveway. Son meets me at the car and I hug both my granddaughter and son and head on my way. Truth be told, if I could’ve done a slow drive by while granddaughter jumped, tucked, and rolled out of the car, I’d have been ok with that.

Now before y’all get in an uproar over *gasp* how could she say such a thing, just know that was my fear in play.

My son had a couple visitors who were a part of my past at his house. There was no earthly reason for me to see them.

So, you can imagine my panic when those who should’ve been inside the house, were standing outside the house when I pulled into the driveway.

Let me tell you, I parked and hid my car behind my son’s big dump truck as if I could remain “hidden” and maybe they didn’t notice. Duh, I already saw them see the vehicle. Curses!! I’ll just pretend that didn’t happen.

My plan was working perfectly. My son came to the car. My granddaughter got out of the car. Hugs were shared, and just as my escape was within my grasp, my past, and my fear met face to face.

The funny thing is, deep down, I think I knew this was inevitable. You don’t pray a prayer for years and it go unanswered. It may not be answered when you want, but it will be answered in His time, and in His way.

So there I stood in the midst of answered prayer. As my past collided with my present I no longer had to ask God what He was up to, because it was all up in my face, so to speak.

I will say, while God answered my prayer, I don’t believe it was about me. It was more His answer for redemption and reconciliation for His glory. Some would call it closure, but it was a gift, beautifully orchestrated by His mighty and loving hand.

I’m still blown away by the events of the whole day. There’s far too many to get into, but with each curtain that was pulled back, there’s no way I could deny His hand was over every part.

Thank you Jesus for a day where I saw Your hand in every single thing. And thank you for teaching me to live with an open hand and allow Your will be done.

And at the end of it, that “random” stop to use a restroom, with its liquid handwashing message spoke louder than anything else could have yesterday.

“Love Always Wins,” and indeed my friends, it did.