Blessed to be Broken

You ever watch a tv show and something one of the characters says resides so deeply with your being, you have to pause the show, then write down what they said? This is my brain. If you do this too, you’re my people.

For lack of enthusiasm for most shows, I decided to restart one of my favorite series, Grey’s Anatomy. I love the earlier years. The latter years have gotten a bit too preachy, and politically biased for my taste. You don’t have to agree with me on this. We can still be friends.

Seems that’s the norm for a lot of shows these days. As if real life wasn’t hard enough, we get it shoved down our throats by the very shows we hope will help us escape the everyday blech of life.

I digress. Back to the line that hit me upside my head from Grey’s Anatomy, season 14, episode 5 entitled, Danger Zone.

Of course, if you know me, the song Danger Zone sung by Kenny Loggins, just popped in my head. Ha!

Setting the scene from the show, Megan and Owen are driving to California to Megan’s new water front home. Megan gets angry at Owen because, well, if you know Owen, he’s being Owen. She pulls over the vehicle, and tells him to get out.

They both wind up getting out of the vehicle, and take their argument onto the beach. After things calm down, and Megan listens to her brother spouting off his idea of a perfect life which includes his sister living nearby, Megan shares how much she loves his loyalty to all things, including how he’s loyal to his ideas.

Here comes the mic drop. Megan simply says,

“And that might mean you’re gonna have to break up with some of your ideas.”

Owen not only had an idea of how he wanted his life to go, he also had an idea of who should be there, how’d they’d be there, and where they’d be placed. As if he was the boss of them all.

When we tether ourselves to the idea idyllic lives of others, we become frustrated, disappointed, angry and dare I say, even hopeless. Tying our happiness to something that can be destroyed, or broken is nothing new. We do it all the time.

Parents tie themselves to their kids. Their dreams and ideas are forecasted over their children’s lives and when those dreams and ideas for the kids lives don’t pan out, they cast down their disappointment.

Kids tie themselves to the idea of parents who aren’t abusive. They then tie themselves to celebrities who appear perfect in every way. They don’t even realize they’re tying themselves to someone who’s a fictional character.

Partners tie themselves to each other. Some are so desperate for a connection, they settle, ignore red flags, and when it all falls apart, it takes years to recover.

Our connections matter. Holding onto the idea of how it should go in order for things to be okay, so that you’re ok, is fruitless. People are flawed. Life is messy. But that doesn’t mean there’s not beauty to be found in the reality of what is, over the idea of what could be.

Your life, is not their life. Their life, is not your life. We all only get this one life.

Perfect is in the eye of the beholder. It means it’s a personal choice. It doesn’t make it a communal opinion. It’s when we take a personal choice and force it on others to comply or come in agreement with that we get ourselves all tied up in knots.

Have you ever heard the term perfect mistake? That’s quite the quandary, isn’t it? Mistakes help us grow. there’s very seldom anything perfect about them.

However, we can learn from them. We can pass down our knowledge, but what an individual does with that knowledge is none of our business. Not for our lack of over zealously trying to make them learn from our mistakes.

It’s probably why history keeps repeating itself. But, I don’t believe our passing down of lessons learned are wasted. I know, I’ve had several light bulb moments when something I’ve heard connected with something I’ve done, and in turn, learned the lesson for myself.

Take alcohol for example. I knew firsthand what it was like to live under the abuse of alcohol. Did it stop me as a grown up, from trying to drink myself into oblivion? Nope. It sure didn’t. But, seeing your younger brother dead on the floor from drinking himself into oblivion will change you. It’s not what I would’ve chosen for his life, But, it’s what he chose.

I coulda, shoulda, woulda’ed myself to death over the things I wished I’d done differently, hoping for a different outcome for his life. But, that’s what wasting a life looks like. Regret will never change what is. All I can do is help the best I know how this day, and pray the help is received.

Breaking up with your ideas for your or anyone’s life gives room for beauty to grow. I’m not saying your ideas are bad. I’m just saying if your ideas are keeping you from living in reality, and causing you angst, you may need to reassess.

I know full well, this is a lot easier said than done. But sometimes, the unraveling of something will reveal the full beauty of its intended purpose. The question is, are you ready to release control?

You’ll know when you’re ready. Until then, as corny as this sounds, listen to your gut. It knows when something is off. Why do we ignore that, and shove it down as if it doesn’t matter?

It’s because we’re not yet willing to let go of the idea of what we want over ignoring the reality of what is. And that takes us back the beach scene where Megan said oh so lovingly to her brother, Owen;

“And that might mean you’re gonna have to break up with some of your ideas.”

Dare to believe that something beautiful can be found after the breaking up. And if what you find isn’t necessarily what you wanted, I guarantee it’s something you didn’t even know you’d need.

If you stuck with me this far, know that I’ve said a prayer for you, that God will shower you with his never-ending love and peace.

Have a beautiful day, my friends!