Blessed to be Broken

The countdown to a new year began last Jan 1st. We have a few hours left here on the East coast until 2024 rings in. Maybe this year brought healing, or pain, or suffering, or joy, or breakthroughs, or a combination of all the things. In any event, I bet it didn’t turn out exactly the way you planned. I bet things happened you never saw coming, more importantly, didn’t want or ask for. Yet, here you are, wondering what happened to turn your whole world upside down, and not knowing if existing is what you want to do. I get it. I’ve been there. Some days it’s harder to be among the living when life breaks your heart beyond what you think can be repaired.

Earlier I read this quote, “Breathe. This is just a chapter. Not your whole story. “ I sighed, nodded my head in agreement, and reminded myself of the things I thought I’d never survive, and yet, here I am, still breathing.

No, my life doesn’t look like what I want, but then again, I don’t fully know what I want. Does anyone really know? I gotta admit sometimes the things I got I just knew I had to have didn’t bring the joy or the solace I thought I wanted. Go figure.

In these places of unknown and in-between, it’s easy to mentally check-out. What’s the harm in scrolling, and binging, and couch potato-ing for days, weeks, even months on end? Only you know the answer to that. All I can offer, is when you’re ready to face the reality of you, you’ll know.

And when you know, please be kind to the person that needed to heal in ways that for that time kept you moving forward, no matter the pace. The last thing you need in this space, is your own bullying. Reality is, what it is, not as you think it woulda, coulda, shoulda been.

The journey of healing is personal and while there will always be someone ready to tell you how to do it “correctly,” they won’t always know what’s best for you. Pain can make others super uncomfortable. They’ll unknowingly try to make you feel better when in reality, they’re trying to make the uncomfortableness of your pain in them, go away. They mean well, in their own way. I mean, no one wants to see another in pain. A funny turn of events, is that will one day be a part of their own healing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, while you may not be able to see the forest through the trees right now, a day is coming when things won’t seem so blurry. In the mean time, don’t be afraid of all those emotions that seem to come outta no where. They’re telling you something.

Being brave doesn’t have to look like a superhero charging in to save the day. Sometimes, it simply means, breathe one more breath. Step, one more step. Live, one more day. Love, with what you have.

I’m praying this next year brings clarity and wisdom. Because in the end, the things of this world, are just that, things. Things can’t help you, things can’t hug you, things can’t love you. So stop buying all the things trying to fill that unfillable void, and when you’re ready, step back into the world being the “thing” you want to see in the world. Much love to you my friends. Cheers to another day and to the New Year. ❤️