Blessed to be Broken

Sitting here this beautiful morning with the glow of the tree lights. That’s as far as I got yesterday with the tree. It’s up, it’s fluffed, and awaiting decorations. Why can’t phone cameras capture the true color? (Rhetorical question)

This tree can do color, clear, or a mix of both. I’ve always gravitated toward steady, color lights. Don’t be blinking at me all kinds of ways cause it brings out the chaos in my being. Which is pretty funny since I use to go clubbing and dance with strobe lights popping off.

But, I’m not here to talk about those days. For the past two years, I’ve been on a journey with my Heavenly Father. He’s gently shown me how tightly wound I am. It’s been enlightening to say the least. And, I know I’m still a good work in progress.

There’s too much to write here. Suffice it to say the best thing I’ve learned is acceptance. Three key words phrases have helped immensely. But God. Let them. Even if.

“Even if” is removing my self condemnation. I am loved, even if, I don’t do things perfectly. I am loved, even if … insert whatever you think makes you feel unloveable, unwanted, unacceptable, or any of the other “un” things. Even if, I don’t make it to church, I’m loved. Even if, someone doesn’t agree with me, I’m loved. Even if, someone walks away, I’m loved. Even if I don’t read my Bible daily, I’m loved. Even if I have cereal for dinner, I’m loved. Even if I don’t measure up to any worldly standard, I’m loved. Even if I gain or lose pounds, I’m loved. Even if someone judges me, including myself, I’m loved. Even if I binge watch tv, I’m loved. Okay, I think that helps hammer that nail.

“Let them” helps me accept the things other people do that I don’t agree with. It would be awesome if everyone did exactly what I wanted, right? I’m just so wonderfully perfect, why shouldn’t I be the boss of absolutely everyone! Do as I say, not as I do, because well, control freak me, says so. That kind of living, is exhausting and kinda makes me a bully. Criticizing and people pleasing are my best friends. Neil Sedaka sang it correctly, “breaking up is hard to do,” but oh so necessary here. Oy to the vey!

“But God” reminds me there’s nothing God can’t do, and puts Him back where He belongs. I can surrender whatever I’m feeling to Him, or I can hold on tightly while white knuckling it through my day. I make this sound simple. It’s not. It’s been years unwinding the tightly wound coil of dysfunction in my soul. And I’m still unwinding. But, I’m not falling apart. I’m rising up from the ashes.

In this space where I’m learning acceptance and feeling safe, I’m not on anyone’s timetable. Unless, of course, I put myself on one. It’s okay to take care of me. It’s okay to take care of others. It’s okay and necessary to dig deep into your being and figure out what makes you tick. Find out what’s good and bad for you. Keep the good, ditch the bad. Sometimes a counselor is necessary. Lately for me, it’s been a chiropractor. Remember, social media can be helpful but also hypeful and misinformed. Be careful and vigilant on who or whom you allow to speak into and over your life. It matters more than you realize.

So, with all that said, let’s wrap this up. This Christmas I pray peace for your soul. I pray you know how fearfully and wonderfully you’re made. I pray you know how very much you’re loved…even if. ❤️💚