Blessed to be Broken

Bullying doesn’t change form just because somebody else laughs along. Bullying, no matter how slight, is still bullying.

This past weekend I attended an event filled with women veterans from all branches of service. It wasn’t a widely attended event, but it’s always awesome to connect with other veterans and swap stories.

Despite some efforts of the organizers, it wasn’t widely publicized. Fortunately, a friend told me about it the night before, and we went together. Sadly, only one local news channel showed up, despite 3 being informed of the event. However, several organizations were there to support women veterans.

You can say a veteran is a veteran. You can ask, why should there be a women’s only event? To that end I say, there’s a distinct difference between men and women and how they came to be allowed to serve their country. The strides made for women to serve in areas of the military outside of being a nurse or clerical and jobs that were “for men only” have come a long way.

Unfortunately, women are still suffering from the prejudices and preconceived notions that women should tolerate harassment and other sexual stigma’s. Before you get your knees all knotted up, I know there’s a flip side to that script. The fact is, it exists.

The stories, the missions, and the jobs, some of these ladies held is impressive at best. One woman who wasn’t able to attend the event is a 102 year old, WWII veteran. She was a nurse. Her family was able to represent and share part of her story.

I daresay, there’s nothing stronger than women bonding over commonality. It’s what paved the way for many of us to boldly walk into things we may have shied away from. This year, on each table were pictures and brief biographies of local women veterans who paid the ultimate price for serving their country. It was both beautiful and humbling.

Now, if you’ve ever been around military folk, there’s a kind of camaraderie that’s hard to explain. Typically, a lot of cuss words fly around the room. Was I one of those cuss word speaking people back in my military days? You betcha! I kept up with the best of them. I probably couldn’t count the number of cuss words I used on any given day.

But, cuss words are not typically part of my repertoire these days. Crudeness is also not who I am any longer. It’s not to say that these type things don’t still rear their ugly head, but when they do, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. When God goes to work in you, things change!

Overall, the event was good. Free food and gifts, raffles, information, Quilts of Valor presentations, and stories galore. The money raised through the raffles went to a charitable event. Here comes the but and a small piece of advice. People change. A veteran is not necessarily the same person they were once they retired or were discharged from the military.

The things that were tolerated on the inside of the organization are not so socially acceptable on the outside. And, if you’re one of the organizers of the event, you seriously need to know your audience. Civilians aren’t privy to the “inside jokes,” which are typically insulting. So, let’s take a peek at what I’m talking about.

An army woman standing at the podium in front of the entire room, insulted an Air Force woman by calling her service the chair force. People laughed. Others looked confused. I leaned over to my friend and I said actually that makes us the smarter ones because we went into the luxury force. I didn’t stop the bullying. I joined right in. I demeaned my own service. Awesome.

At the end of the event I went up to the organizers of the event, and I thanked them and asked when the date would be for next year‘s event.

I stated if they needed volunteers for next year I would love to volunteer. One of the gals asked me to put a star by my name where I signed in so they could remember to reach out to me. Cool, I can do that.

The other gal, the same one who previously insulted the other woman, draped her arm around my shoulder and said they love volunteers and “You know what that means. You get to be our bitch, and do whatever we want.” She laughed. I did not. I simply said, “I don’t think that’s how that’s gonna work,” and then I walked away.

I thought about not putting a star next to my name as I walked out but I did anyway. In a few short words, my heartfelt offer to volunteer turned into anger. When I got in my car, I started talking to God. To be honest it was venting to God. I got a question out of it. Why does anyone bully?

It’s because somewhere within their being, they’ve been wounded. They use that woundedness in a way that makes them feel more in control, and better about themselves. The woman who insulted my volunteer offer, was hurting. Only she knows the reason why she verbally abused me.

The funny thing is, years ago I would’ve retaliated. I would’ve gotten all up her grill so to speak. But that’s not who I am now, and that wasn’t the time, nor the place to take a stand. It was an opportunity to pray.

You know, I didn’t wanna pray, but because my ways are not His ways, and I know that His ways are better, I prayed. It doesn’t make me a better person. It just brings peace back to the situation where the enemy tried to steal my joy.

After all that, I called my friend because I needed to get the yuck out of my system and we talked it out. The fact of the matter is, I witnessed twice where the organizer of the event had put at least two people down with her choice of words. That’s unacceptable. Remember, life and death are in the power of the tongue.

Yes, it’s a long-standing joke between services that one is far superior to the other. Each one believing where they served is the best. So we make our jokes, we laugh along not even realizing the internal damage that’s being done, because it’s been socially accepted for years. Please know I’m raising my hand. Bern there, done that.

But at some point you have to realize bullying by any other name is still bullying. If putting someone down makes you feel superior, then you have to ask yourself, why? No one benefits from your lack of self- awareness or woundedness. Including you.

If you feel the need to refer to another human being as “your bitch,” then it’s time to figure out why that’s become your mode of operation. No one was created to be your bitch. Ever!

Everyday, we have the opportunity to do better, be brighter, and move forward in love. I, for one have had my fill of hate, violence, dismissiveness, and belittling. It’s heartbreaking. Words have power. It’s your choice. Lift up, or put down.

No one is perfect, but we all have the chance to do good. To choose, good. It will mean laying some ugly things down, and picking up the beautiful pieces you forgot existed within you.

Lastly, never let anyone’s insult dim your light. Keep shining, because someone, even bullies, need it more than ever. Be blessed my friends. Then go be a blessing!