It’s been quite awhile since I had trouble falling asleep. Trying to understand another’s person motives late at night, is not peaceful. The conversations I play out in my brain help me process, but based on the information I have, it’s limited to what knowledge I currently possess. Rather then letting the hamster of my mind run frantically on the wheel of make stuff up and blow things out of proportion, I did what I know to do. I grabbed my journal and I prayed.
As I prayed the Lord brought to mind the story of the two women who fought over a child. Gotta give a shout out to google. I typed what I knew in the search bar and voila, the information I needed presented itself. So, I clicked on 1 Kings 3:16-28 and spent time with it. Let’s take a look at this story, shall we?
A Wise Ruling
“Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. One of them said, “Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us. “During the night this woman’s son died because she lay on him. So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son I had borne.” The other woman said, “No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours. But the first one insisted, “No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.” And so they argued before the king. The king said, “This one says, ‘My son is alive and your son is dead,’ while that one says, ‘No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.’” Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other. The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him! But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!” Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.” (NIV)
Quite the dramatic story. While this story is about 2 women and a child, I believe it can relate to almost any relationship. It’s about laying aside what you feel is in your best interest for the greater good. Hmmmm, sounds a lot like what Jesus did for us. He cried out to His Father to take the cup that was sending Him to the cross, but followed it up with, not my will, but Your will be done. Luke 22:41-43
Jesus knew what was coming, but He did it anyway. What would make someone do something so horrific as to die on a cross for others? Love.
Back to the story of our two women. What would make a woman give up her child to save them from being cut in two? Love. What would make a woman decide cutting a child in two would be best? The very opposite of love.
Nothing good ever comes from the mindset, “If I can’t have them, no one will.” Or “It’s my way or the highway.” There’s always something deeper going on under the surface of these two mindsets. And it usually stems from unhealed trauma.
I’m no expert, but I can attest to being both of these women. Control of any narrative made me feel “safe”. Growing up as a child in a home ruled by alcohol and addition, taught me that the only thing I could control was me and anyone who was in my path. If I could control everything that happened around me, I was okay. No one could “hurt” me”. At least, not that I’d let them see.
Unfortunately, that created a lot of chaos, discontent, and drama. Is it any wonder that eventually I would turn to alcohol to help me cope? I was literally my biggest problem. But, I made every thing and everyone else the problem. And I hid behind the lie the enemy calls “control”.
How many nights did I lie awake trying to manipulate a situation I needed control over? When the person I disagreed with, twisted, I’d turn. When they tried to speak, I spoke over them. When they tried to explain, I’d listen just enough to gush my desires over theirs. When I thought of a new way to present my case, I lay in wait for just the right moment to let loose the cracken. Nothing made me feel so satisfied as when I proved my point. But at what cost?
Maybe you can relate to either being that “controlling” person or having a “relationship” with that type person. If you’ve been that person, maybe, like me, you’ve processed your hurts and you’re working on being the victor of your story instead of the victim.
The victim will always point to the ways they’ve been hurt and make themselves the center of attention by being the martyr of any given situation, as they slap down the pity card. The pity card, is the last ditch effort to get you to agree with what they want. When that doesn’t work, they flip the script and make you the problem.
Their goal is to nag you to death until you’re so exhausted, you just give in because you just don’t want to deal with the constant barrage of the never ending dripping faucet. And when they get what they want, they go for the next jugular. Because winning = control = safe.
The victor will recognize their hurts are a part of their story, but not who they are. They rise above the chaos because they know peace is a gift. They now understand control can be a weapon of mass destruction and self-imploding still sends out deadly shrapnel and injures those they claim to “love”. They know that “cutting the person in two” is a loss they can’t bear. They lay their life down for another.
The woman in our story who attempted to manipulate the situation by swapping out the dead baby for the living one, wanted things her way. When the King wasn’t in agreement with her, she wanted everyone to suffer, like she was suffering. No doubt this woman must’ve gone through a lot of pain knowing she was cause of her baby’s death. But instead of processing through her grief, she jumped into action and caused undo stress and chaos by trying to weave a web of deceit. Thank God, a wise ruler saw through the deception and gave the baby back to the mother who loved the baby enough to let him go.
Okay, let’s wrap this up. There’s a fruit of the Spirit called self-control. It’s not called others-control for a reason. It’s not your place to control another person’s life to make yours feel complete/fit your narrative. If there’s a “dead baby” in your life, you need to deal with that or keep letting it push you around while it wreaks havoc over everyone in your sphere of “influence”.
Every human being on this earth has been given free will. Every person on this earth was created in Christ’s image, not yours. Sorry, not sorry. Every time you try to control another human who disagrees with you and you fight back with deceit and manipulation, you lose! So the theory of winning = control = safe, is blowing your life up. You’re lighting your own fuse. I know, the truth hurts. But, you have a choice.
If you’re exhausted from the fight; from the constant spinning of your mind, there’s someone waiting for you. He’s the good Counselor and Shepherd. He wants nothing more than to spend time with you and give you rest. His name is Jesus and what He wants for you, won’t be found in deceit or manipulation. No, what He wants is found only from His love for you. But, it’ll cost you something…letting go of control so He can show you what safe truly looks like. I’ll leave you with this invitation from your Heavenly Father…
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Notice He doesn’t say to go to everybody and your brother for that rest. Yet, we do. Totally guilty of this. But, in he end, I know where my help comes from. The maker of Heaven and earth. He truly has all I need. I pray if you don’t already know this, one day, very soon, you will.
Have a blessed day my friends!
Blessed to be Broken 
Girl! This is so good! I know for myself, whenever I’ve felt the need to control an outcome, God showed me it was always rooted in severe fear. It does take healing from trauma (and from the orphan spirit) and growing our trust in Jesus to abandon the throne we sit on so He can take His rightful seat lol. Lately, my hubby and I are in the middle of a gigantic move, and I’ve had to capture my anxious thoughts quite often for Christ so I’m not setting things in motion that need to stay put. I laughed when you wrote that you waited for the right moment to let loose the Kraken, lol. I just got off the phone with my daughter in Seattle and she went to the hockey game this past weekend and that’s the name of their team and I asked her what that stood for. Lol, then I read your post. Too funny. I love how you write and look forward to your next post … thanks so much, sweet friend! 🙏💕