Have you ever tried to “win” someone’s love? You went out of your way to show them you love them by being there, by paying attention to what they like and surprising them with those things? Have you ever dropped everything to go and help them and yet, you get nothing in return? Your pay back is harsh words and lip service in the way of gratitude. You feel empty and depleted because you realize that nothing you do….nothing you say….can make them love you. You don’t understand because you’ve done “everything” right…they should totally love you, yet, they don’t.
It’s not your fault they don’t love you. You’re not a horrible person but they’ve made you think you are through their actions and their words. There’s several problems in this….you’re desperate for their love so you try to people please your way into their heart. They can’t receive your love because they are broken and can’t see past their own hurts so they only know how to hurt….they actually expect you to give up on them and are fully prepared when you do and they will make you feel bad for it. It will be your fault because they can’t, or they won’t accept the responsibility for it. To do that, would mean they would have to accept they are damaged and in need of help.
No doubt you’ve heard them tout they don’t need anyone and will even say, they’re a good person. Self-affirmation is the balm on top of their oozing wounds they think they’re hiding from the world. So before you can hurt them, they will hurt you. It’s a sad state of affairs when you try to pour your love into an empty vessel. They are depleted because of what ever has transpired in their life. They know how to assault you and are quite proud of how they can knock you down with those negative verbal punches to your brain and more importantly, your heart.
If you should happen to try and defend yourself, they will lash out harder and then smear your name to anyone who will listen to them. After all, they need that proverbial pat on the back to let them know they did the right thing. It’s you who were out of line because how horrible were you by trying to let them know how they made you feel. Clearly you lost your mind because only they are allowed to dump but don’t you dare dump on them.
Truth be told, they’re not equipped to handle what you have to say. They are not equipped to deal with your strength. They are not equipped to deal with your truth…I can hear Jack Nicholson screaming, “you can’t handle the truth.” And, they can’t. So it’s useless, your trying to let them know how you feel, because it’s not about you for them…it’s about them and what you should be doing for them.
And if you don’t know what you should be doing, they will be more than happy to tell you how you. They will tell you how to you’re allowed to speak to them, how to behave around them and they will tell you how horrible and awful you are when you don’t do things their way.
You’re not allowed to be yourself, so you slap on a mask and pretend to be who they think you ought to be only, you can’t do this for long because being told how to be, how to act, how to talk will bog your soul down and eventually you will erupt in some way.
You were never meant to have someone else tell you how to be you. It fights against your inner being that just wants to be loved simply for being you…not some version of you that someone thinks you ought to be.
But they won’t give up. As long as you stay, they will find some way to “beat” you into submission. Yet, all you wanted was for them to love you. So, they put you down, rob you of your joy, your confidence and your worth. They grab onto those things that make you, uniquely you and stuff them in a bag and take pride that they stripped you down so they could dress you up in the chains of their adversity.
I don’t have the answer why this happens. I just know when it does, at some point you have to make a choice…let go and let God or keep the insanity going. The pattern will continue to repeat until someone breaks the cycle. They say people don’t change…I beg to differ. When God meets you where you are, and you open your heart to Him, change is inevitable, healing begins, and hope is restored. His Word promises “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” ~~Psalm 147:3 (NIV ) His Word is truth and when you dare to believe in Him, than you can bet your bottom dollar, miracles will happen. Lives will change and glory will be His and His alone.
So, for now, I stand in the gap. I let go and I’m keeping my eyes on the only one who can resurrecte dead things. I pray for healing, for restoration and things that have been temporarily torn asunder to be healed and made whole. Because nothing my friends is too hard for God!! He is King of all Kings and no one, that’s right, no one will love you more than He does. Dare to Believe ❤
Blessed to be Broken 
Awesome post Trish. So very true and well written.
Thank you Nancy 🙂 I appreciate you stopping by!!
Love how you wrote from your heart. Made me teary. Love you sweet sister!
Awe! Thank you for your encouraging words!! Means so much to me. Sorry I made you teary. I got teary too. Love you Deje ❤