Blessed to be Broken

God's not finished with me yet!

Filling my bucket…

on April 21, 2014



I remember this little song I sung as a child called, “There’s a hole in my bucket.”  It was a song between Liza and Henry and how to fix their bucket and in the end, after going over different options on how to fix the bucket, Liza told Henry to “use his head.” You can find more about the song here:

Wikipedia ~ There’s a hole in my bucket

The tempo of the song seemed to make the song go on forever.  I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, will this song never end?!!  I can imagine Liza thinking “oh for pity’s sake Henry, just fix the bucket already.”

I can relate to this entire song.  For as long as I can remember, I resembled that bucket.  Only every time a hole got “filled,” another one would open up.  I always looked for someone or something to fill the hole in my bucket.

In my childhood, my father wasn’t present but tried to fill his hole with prescription drugs and alcohol. He was so far removed from us that I would look to the perfect television father.  My mother was so critical I escaped into books to find the perfect life to fill my hole of “family.”  I was angry with God for the life He gave me.  I would think; “there’s got to be more to life than this!!”

As a teenager lacking the family connection, I longed for a boyfriend to fill the void…oh, I prayed, I begged, I bartered with God to send me someone who would fill the emptiness. I would get a boyfriend, and at first, it was fun and exciting, but it was never enough…I always found something wrong with them and so I kept searching and thinking; “there’s got to be more to life than this!!” Once again, the hole in the bucket needed filled.

As a young adult, I knew I had to leave the place where I grew up.  There was just no way this place had anything to offer.  The military seemed to be the perfect answer.  By the time I was 26, I was on my third marriage thinking; “there’s got to be more to life than this.”  So, a baby must be the answer.  While I love my son and I don’t regret having him, let me just say, a baby will not fill the hole.  I was still thinking; “there’s got to be more to life than this.”

After my third divorce, multiple affairs, being at the top of my military career, a house filled with “stuff,” friends who loved me, I hate to say, it still wasn’t enough.  The hole in my bucket was huge. I was seeking but not finding, I was reaching but grasping air. I had no clue how to “fix” me.  I was looking for that “one thing,” in everything.

Have you ever seen that movie “City Slickers?” In the movie the character “Mitch,” played by Billy Crystal is having a conversation with “Curly,” played by late Jack Palance.  Curly tells Mitch that life is about “one thing” and that “one thing,” is different for everybody.  By the end of the movie, Mitch figures out his “one thing.”

That “one thing” for me was always there…I just didn’t know, or didn’t understand.  But I can look back and see the God I was so angry with, the God I pushed away and replaced with idols, was always calling out to me. Oh, my friends, looking back I can see where and when He was with me, even if I wasn’t with Him. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in God, I was just so lost and deep in sin all I saw was emptiness.

That’s the awesomeness of God.  He’s always wooing us, He’s always waiting for us, He’s always showing us He’s right here!!  He accepts us just the way we are. Just..the…way…I…am.  I was an empty bucket in need of repair but I couldn’t be repaired because I was trying to fill my hole with the things of this world.

I needed to be looking up, to an eternal home. I needed the love of a Savior. I needed not the “one thing.” I needed the One!  Could it be, you also are trying to fill the hole in your bucket with the things of this world?  Come to Jesus, He’s calling you. He’s got everything you need.  He created you, how can He not know what you need?

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