Growing up I was desperate for attention. I was truly the epitome of that song titled “looking for love in all the wrong places.” I didn’t get the love I didn’t know I needed at home. You read that right. I didn’t know I needed the love of my family. I had no healthy relationship to see what “love” looked like. Sure, I saw television shows and read books, but that was all unrealistic and unattainable in my house. Yet, I yearned for the “love” those things “taught” me.
No matter where I walked, I looked for that one “thing” that would give me confirmation that I existed…that….I….mattered. Did that car horn just honk at me? Was that whistle meant for me? That rude nasty shout-out, was that for me? Worse yet, I felt disappointed when those things were meant for me. I felt unworthy of receiving even the junk flung by others. I put my faith in things that could predict love such as horoscopes. I asked my magic 8 ball if “he loved me.” I plucked countless petals off flowers asking if “he loved me.” I played games with my current boyfriend’s name to see if it would lead to friendship, love, hate or marriage and lastly I would pray…beg…and barter with God to send me the one.
Eventually my silent cry for “love” would garner the wrong kind of attention. I confused love with sex. Let me give you an example of one point in my life. I sat at home praying and crying to God for that boy to show up just one more time. This boy I so desperately wanted would drive up on his motorcycle at night, sit outside my house revving the engine for me to come out. The minute I heard the sound, I was running out of the house to meet up with him. He never took me any place special. He couldn’t even be bothered to introduce me to his friends. If his friends showed up, I just sat there, ignored, waiting for him to notice me. The evening always ended with me giving myself to him. Then he would leave. He never called, he never showed up during the day, he just roared in at night and I allowed him to use me because I thought if I gave it up enough, he would love me. That never happened.
It took every ounce of courage I had the last time he showed up revving that engine. He sat there for a good 5 minutes, before he finally gave up and I never saw him again. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done for myself. I took a stand that night and I was proud of myself for not giving in. I wish I could say that was the last time I allowed that type of thing to happen. But, it wasn’t.
You see, I didn’t know that there was a heart other than mine breaking for me. I didn’t know that “Love” was reaching down. I didn’t know that “Love” was working in me, so I let everything but “Love” try to fill me and make me feel whole. I accepted a life far below what “Love” planned for me.
Are you that girl? Are you putting on a show for attention? Are you following the crowd to try and be more popular? Are you hoping that giving yourself to boys will make them love you? Are you dressing in such a way that screams for everyone to look at your assets? Have you lost hope that anyone will truly love you, just for being you? Do you even know who you are? Don’t you know you deserve better? Don’t you know that you matter?
If no one told you today you matter, then let me tell you…You matter. You have a purpose and you are worthy!! You are unique and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I beg of you to stop searching for a “thing” to fill all those voids. As long as “things” are what you seek, you will always be seeking, always be wanting, and always be missing out. You will always be thinking there is something more to life. Don’t be that girl. Be the girl, the daughter, the princess you were made to be. If you don’t know where to start, I ask you simply…find out what “Love” is.
“Love” is not a thing. “Love” is not a feeling. Love was Word made into flesh. Love grew up without sin in a sinful world. Love suffered for you. Love wept for you. Love knowingly took up a cross, endured abuse, was ridiculed, and was nailed on a cross for you. Love died so that you may live. Love wants nothing but the best for you. Love is calling out to you and Love will wait for you. All you need say is one word and Love is there. Just say Jesus and Love is with you. When you know and understand His Love, then you will know how to be and give love. And I dare say, you will not let yourself settle for anything less.
The following skit depicts how we’re so easily led astray from our life path. By the end of the skit, you see “Love” was with you all the time. Enjoy!!
Blessed to be Broken 
I was that girl right with you Trish. I could have written most of this post myself. The whistles, car horns, exchanging love for lust. I often use the line “lookin for love in all the wrong places” to describe my life before Christ. Amazing God that redeems us from our sin and shows us what true love really is!
“I didn’t know that there was a heart other than mine breaking for me.”
Priceless……