Blessed to be Broken

Dolly Parton released a song called “Hard Candy Christmas” in 1982. You might recall it was recorded as part of the soundtrack for a movie titled, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

Yup, I watched the movie back in the day, but it’s not the movie that I remember, it’s this one song.

Some days, out of the recesses of my beloved jukebox brain hole, this song will pop up and start playing.

It’s a melancholy song. In the movie the brothel is getting ready to close its doors and the ladies are pondering their future. Let’s look at the first part of the song.

“Hey, maybe I’ll dye my hair
Maybe I’ll move somewhere
Maybe I’ll get a car
Maybe I’ll drive so far that I’ll lose track
Me, I’ll bounce right back.

Maybe I’ll sleep real late
Maybe I’ll lose some weight
Maybe I’ll clear my junk
Maybe I’ll just get drunk on apple wine.”

It wasn’t just one of the gals singing this part of the song, they were all throwing their ideas into the atmosphere.

However, they didn’t leave the maybe’s just hanging in the wind. They followed it up with the chorus:

“I’ll be just fine and dandy
Lord it’s like a hard candy Christmas
I’m barely getting through tomorrow
But, still I won’t let sorrow bring me way down.”

What do you see there? Maybe like me, you see hope.

Maybe you see they knew they had choices.

Maybe you see they were proclaiming their future.

Maybe you see that they knew this was a sorrowful situation yet they knew letting sorrow bring them too far down was not a good plan in moving forward.

Realizing that sorrow may be a part of the plan, but not the end of their forward path, left hope as their guide. Not sorrow.

Let’s delve back once again into my jukebox.

Back in the my days of childhood, there was a show called Hee Haw.

It initially aired from 1969-1993. That’s a long time.

One of the skits, of which there were many, had a little ditty that went like this:

“Gloom, despair and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. Gloom despair and agony on me.”

They followed the song with different individual wailing and telling their tales of woe, and well, gloom, and despair.

What do you see there? No hope. They simply accepted that their life was all about gloom, despair agony and depression.

But there’s two words in that mix that stand out.

“Excessive misery.”

Wait a minute? Can we put a limit on misery? Can we really say there’s such a thing as excessive misery?

Well, let’s start with looking up the word, excessive.

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines excessive as being “an amount or degree too great to be reasonable or acceptable.”

Now let’s look up misery.

While there were a few definitions depending on the circumstances, we’ll go with this one per Merriam-Webster’s dictionary.

“A state of great unhappiness and emotional distress.”

To be in a constant state of great unhappiness and emotional distress is a hard place. There’s little room for hope or anything else for that matter.

It takes a toll on your mind, your body, and your spirit.

I know. I’ve lived in that place. I brought others with me to that place. I’ve visited those places when others brought me into their distressed places.

Ok, where am I going with all this? Fair question.

I don’t have an excessive amount of capacity for other people who create their own misery.

Those who don’t want to move forward but who only want to remain stuck even after receiving good and godly counsel need more than I can offer.

Just like anything else in this world, you can turn misery into an idol. How long a person remains in a state of excessive misery is obviously not up to me.

However, how long I sit with someone else in theirs, is totally up to me.

I have to be careful. I can easily take on other people’s problems and make them my own. As if I’m some type of savior. I’m not. I have limits.

It’s like back in the day when the needle on the record got stuck in a groove and played the same thing, over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, (I think you get my drift) until you gave the needle a slight tap and got the song back on track.

I know I’ve reached my limit with another person’s problems when the infamous words sang by Jo Dee Messina, reminds me in full force, “my give a damn’s busted.”

I know at that point, it’s time for me to set some boundaries and check my heart before I say something that I think the person in misery needs to hear.

In reality, I could make matters worse. I never want to do that. Have I? I’m sure I have. It’s why sometimes walking away for a bit needs to happen.

I think we can all see the benefit of taking a break when space is needed to reevaluate.

It matters what we do in that space. I know I need to give it all to God. It’s too big a burden at this point for me to carry something that was never mine to carry.

I can pray for them. But, I’m typically praying for God’s will to be done. Not mine. And not necessarily their will, because let’s face we take comfort in telling God what we want to happen. Oy Vey!

I absolutely love that I can go to my Heavenly Father with every single thing and lean into and on Him for all that I need.

But, is that enough? No, I don’t think it is. God always provides a path forward. He doesn’t leave you to fend for yourself.

What we do with that path He provides typically requires taking hard steps out of the comfort of excessive misery into the great unknown.

The key here is to realize there is a path forward, and you have a choice. Let’s look at a few of those paths.

Romans 12:2 reminds us daily to renew our minds. Transform our thinking. Not conform to the standards of this world.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 reminds us to rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in ALL circumstances.

2 Corinthians 10:5 reminds us to take EVERY thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

What do we do when the Word of God isn’t giving us the comfort we need? I think that’s actually more of an answer between you and God.

But, here’s a few ideas.

Talk with friends, a counselor, a pastor or family. Dance. Sing. Get creative. Exercise. Go for a walk.

I would suggest before you talk with anyone, decide prior to the conversation what you’re looking to get out of it.

Venting? Guidance? A path forward? Sympathy?

If you don’t pre-decide you may get some unsolicited advice because I believe most people genuinely want to help.

In the end, the choice to remain in the wilderness is on the person…you guessed it, in the wilderness.

It’s not anyone else’s job to be your savior. No human being was meant to be a savior. That job is most expertly and perfectly taken.

I guess to sum all this up, if you’ve found yourself in the place of excessive misery, only you truly know if it’s become a crutch, an idol, or even a comforter wrapped around your being.

It’s like Smoky the Bear said, “Only YOU can prevent forest fires.”

Ok, thanks for reading this far. It’s my fervent prayer that anyone experiencing excessive misery will sooner rather than later be ready to head towards the path of hope and light.

It’s waiting when you’re ready.

Much love!