Blessed to be Broken

The other day I was out enjoying a morning walk. Well, kinda enjoying a morning walk. I was happy I could be out walking. I was happy for the praise music blaring through my ear buds. I was happy moving my body, and occasionally singing out loud. Yep. I’m that person.

However, I waited a bit too long to go out and it was much warmer and muggier than I thought it’d be so a lot of sweat happened. Good thing I brought some paper towels to wipe away the excess moisture. Blech!

I don’t always give enough thanks to my Creator for the way my body works. But, I sure do ask Him to help me move it. On this walk, I was over thinking a recent event…again.

It happened. I thought about it. I talked about it. I prayed about it and gave it to God. But, then I picked it back up, over and over, like a broken record.

I wouldn’t say I was stressed about it, but it nagged at me. The problem is, I wasn’t the only one involved.

There were several involved. But I kept playing all the moving pieces in my head. Like a chess board, I’d think, if this move happened, this could’ve changed the outcome. As if. (Ha! See what I did there)

The problem with that is, I’m not responsible for all the moving parts in this scenario. I’m responsible for my part. Trying to figure out any other moving piece is not only exhausting but also detrimental to my well being.

The truth of the matter is, anytime I go beyond the scope of my heart in a situation, I get all bungled up in the imaginary world of “what if”. Anytime that happens, overthinking, and stress come into play.

I believe this is what can cause a serious breakdown in communication or even the end of a relationship.

If you truly don’t know the heart of someone behind their action, it’s best not to guess, or gossip about what you think was the issue. That’s just stirring a pot of unknown ingredients hoping for a good outcome.

Condemnation of self and others is so easy to do.

If you’re a fixer, you’ll take the blame for the entire situation, and attempt to, well, fix whatever is uncomfortable, ignoring any red flags.

If you’re a people pleaser, you’ll follow the fixer in making sure your needs go unmet while everyone else is happy. Also ignoring any red flags. As long as you’re not the problem, (even though you very well could be) you’re good to go.

If you’re a ring leader, you’ll do what you can to circle everyone around you as you convince them you’re right, and even justified in how you feel. Even though, it was never about you.

Offense and past hurt are typically at play here in all these traits. So instead of praying it out, condemnation is played out.

Conviction is what happens if and when you allow Holy Spirit to do a work in you. Notice I said “in YOU”.

Asking God to change a person to meet your needs is never a good prayer. God is the only One who can change a person’s heart. He knows what they need. He knows how it all needs to play out.

You only know what you think they need based on what you need to see for your comfort through them.

It’s why I believe we’re called to look at the good in people. It’s not always an easy thing to do when we feel attacked or blindsided by something that knocked us off guard.

I’ve said it before, but, let’s say it again. When I stand in front of God trying to explain away my life, He’s not gonna be interested in what so and so did. He’s gonna ask me what I did. There’s no blame game in Heaven. You’re responsible with what He assigned you.

Ok, back to my morning walk and my thoughts on repeat. I was once again asking God to show me if there was something I needed to do.

By the way, I’m a recovering fixer, people pleaser, and ring leader. Go me! It’s why things continually play out in my brain even though I’ve repeatedly given the situation to God.

As I was asking God again what I could do, this tiny gnat like creature started buzzing around my face. I swatted at it only to have it come back again and again and again. It was as relentless as my thoughts had become.

The more I swatted, the more it persisted and in sheer exasperation, I shouted out loud, “STOP”. Ohhhh. Total light bulb moment.

As soon as I got the message to stop the incessant over thinking, the gnat disappeared. Go figure.

It was a beautiful reminder to leave it in God’s hands because my overthinking was not going to change it.

There are far too many moving parts in this situation and I’m not equipped to handle them all.

Thank you Jesus for the reminder to be mindful of my thoughts and remember who YOU are!

So, I prayed for God to do a good work in me. If there’s a time that I need to do anything here, please give me the courage to obey regardless of what my mind tries to rationalize or justify.

I’ll leave with this simple prayer.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Remember, changing people is God’s work. Behavior modification is best handled when looking inward at one’s own behavior, not guessing at another’s.

Have a beautiful day!