Blessed to be Broken

I was sill in my pajama’s enjoying the stillness of the morning. I finished my cup of coffee and was still reading my morning devotionals. Moose was sleeping in my lap.

We were both jolted out of our comfort by a knock on the door. I thought, ”Who can it be knocking on my door?” Totally sang that, by the way. I yelled out, ”Just a minute.” Moose sprinted to the door, barking his fool head off. I quickly went to my room to grab a robe.

I threw the robe on, put Moose in his crate and opened the door. There stood a nicely dressed woman whom I didn’t know. She apologized for interrupting me, and jumped into the reason she was there.

She had a black and white feral cat escape her pet carrier. She was taking the cat to be spayed at the vets across the street. Somehow, when she lifted the carrier the door opened and the cat ran onto my property. She wanted to know if she could set up a trap for the cat. She was concerned because the cat wasn’t familiar with the area. It was from another town. She mentioned another woman whose voice the cat recognized might be stopping over.

Of course, I said it was ok to set the trap and for them to search the area. Again, she apologized for disturbing me. I told her it was no bother at all, I was just reading my devotionals. She told me she was a woman of faith as well, and her name was also Faith. I introduced myself and she started walking to her car to get the trap. I told her “good luck” in catching the cat.

I don’t believe in ”luck”, so not sure why those words popped out of my mouth. She thanked me and went on about doing what she needed to do.

I let Moose out of his crate and he insisted on going outside. I decided I ought to get ready for the day and as I was brushing my teeth, I heard another knock on my door.

It was Faith, and a young girl. She looked to be a teenager. They were both crying. The girl was distraught and unashamedly weeping. Unfortunately, the cat met its demise and had gotten run over. Faith wanted to let me know, there was no need for a trap now.

I expressed my condolences and we all stood there not knowing what to do next. Faith turned to the young girl and they slowly started moving toward the car. I watched them with a heaviness on my heart for their pain.

This wasn’t their cat. They were just trying to do the responsible thing. Yet they grieved for this tiny fur baby like it was their own.

I prayed for their peace and comfort. I wondered if I should’ve invited them in. But, that didn’t really matter now, because, I didn’t.

That’s how quickly life can change. We both said we had faith the cat would be found. And it was, just not in the way we wanted. In these type moments, when things don’t turn out like we want, ”faith” is either lost or embraced. We either trust that God is who He says He is, or we decide that a god who lets bad things happen, can’t possibly be good or loving.

Ditching God for our perceived control over things doesn’t stop bad things from happening. You just have to find something else to blame it on. You usually start blaming yourself. You begin the ”I should’ve done” tracks in your brain. Thoughts start spinning out of control because somewhere along the line we think we’re responsible for everything and everyone.

As if their very existence relies on our knowing what’s best for them. Totally forgetting we don’t even have a handle on our own life.

Recently, I’ve found myself battling a familiar yet unrealistic fear. It directly ties into my thinking that I have any say over the length of time anyone in my family has left here on earth. It reminds me where I’m placing my trust. It reminds me what or who I’ve made into an idol.

I either trust God with my loved ones, or I don’t. It’s both simple and complicated. So what’s the best thing I can do? Confess my fears, repent my unbelief, and pray. Praying is my heart speaking to my Heavenly Father. He’s not ignoring what I want. He just knows better what I need. Trusting that His will be done, knowing it’s His best, releases me from the bondage of worry.

Yet, I still worry. But amidst that worry, there’s a peace. I believe it to be His peace beyond understanding, which is a gift from our Heavenly Father. It’s in that gift of peace I keep moving forward.

I don’t know what hard thing your facing today. But maybe, just maybe, try giving it to God. Seek the Father’s heart and allow Him to get all up in it. It may not turn out how you want, it may take longer than you want, but however it goes, please know, it’s part of a bigger plan for a bigger purpose. And you, my friend, are a part of it.

God’s always working. Even in the unexpected.