Has anyone ever told you not to pray for patience because God will give you situations that will require…well, patience? This is me, raising my hand. Is that truth? I can’t really answer that for you, but I have seen a few instances in my own life where it seemed true. Just put me in a car and you’re sure to find out! Ha!
I’m a retired military gal. Being a strategist was part of the job.
Lately I find myself praying strategically. I’m in the middle of a heartfelt prayer but then I step on my mental brakes and really think about what I’m asking. It’s like pulling back on a horse’s reins and repeatedly saying, whoa, whoa, whoaaaaa, now!
You’d think this would be a good thing, but truth be told, after I ask the Lord to (fill in the blank) I start playing out all the scenarios of how He might answer. Pretty soon, the praying stops, and I find myself in a panic and I try to rewind what I prayed. Do I really want my loved ones to know Jesus at ANY cost? What if God hurts them? What if He makes me sick? What if He takes everything from them like in the book of Job? And the list goes on and on.
Next thing I know I’m wading through my worry pool.
Lord, help me. When did I become even remotely like God in knowing how He’s going to do anything?
Control is something that gives me comfort. Even though I know at any given moment my illusion of control can be obliterated, I still try to hold onto it.
Janet Jackson’s biography recently aired on tv. Can I just say how much I loved her style, her music, and envied her beauty?! What an icon!
Her song, “Control” was off the hook back in the day when it came on the scene in 1986. Okay, I may have just showed my age a bit. Do people still say “off the hook?”
The words to that song became an anthem to many who were tired of being controlled. Like Janet, we all wanted to be the one “in control.”
During the documentary I learned she dated and eventually married a man who seemed to film her every moment and “controlled” a lot of what she did. It was exactly the opposite lifestyle of her song. Side note. Since I wasn’t there I only gathered this snippet of information from her documentary. I’m in no way putting this phenomenal woman down.
My point is, it’s not so easy to be the one in control because there’s always someone who wants to be more in control. Take a look at the current world situations and you can see exactly what I mean. One power play after another. It’s exhausting to be part of someone else’s power trip.
It’s like when I pray. I know God is omniscient. I know He’s truly the only One in control but I don’t always act like it. I don’t want things to get uncomfortable for people. Yet, I desperately want them to know Jesus. So, I try to out maneuver how I think He’s going to move. That worked out really well for Pharaoh, right?
I don’t know anyone’s full story or relationship status with Jesus, but somehow I feel it’s my duty to tell God how to do what only He knows best to do.
Thankfully, God knows my heart. He knows where my misguided love of control comes from and we’re working on it. He’s so patient, loving, and kind as I learn to release my whole heart to Him.
When I start to panic over something I prayed and think I’m controlling any of the way He answers it, He reminds me who I am by showing me who He is.
I don’t know when in this journey with God I became fearful of Him in all the wrong ways. I do know it’s changed the dynamic of our relationship. It’s not because He’s changed, it’s because I allowed fear to creep in between us and build a wall.
Once again I found myself more comfortable being the one “in control.” Except it didn’t bring me peace. It brought anxiety, fear, and doubt. Every time I made a move I questioned it. I fretted over being in God’s will. I sought the things of this world over the One who has ALL authority over this fallen world.
Maybe like me, fear took a hold of some part of your being and it’s pushing you around and trying to back you into a corner. It’s ok. God knows exactly where you’re at and He’s still with you. He’s still for you. How do I know? Let me share one of my favorite heart verses from Him:
“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
I call it a heart verse because it speaks directly to my heart and makes my eyes well up with emotionally charged tears.
God will never force us to trust and obey Him. He graciously gives us a choice. Personally speaking I’m learning more and more that trusting God’s plan for me and anyone else is the very best plan of all. And that my friends, will give you peace!
Have an amazing day! You are loved!
Blessed to be Broken 