Blessed to be Broken

God's not finished with me yet!

Falling Apart

You can do the hard things, but you don’t have to do it reliant on your strength. Wait, what? Lemme ‘splain Lucy. The other day, my son asked if I wanted a hug. I did, but I hesitated for a few seconds. I felt if I went in for the hug, I would lose whatever it was that was holding me altogether. I was tired. More tired than I realized.

The current battle in this moment was too much and a hug from my son might just be the end of me. I felt a choke hold of emotions rising up in my chest and throat, threatening to steal my composure. Do you know what I mean?

I surrendered and went in for the hug. Yep, I cried. I said I was tired of always being the “strong one.” My beautiful grown son gave me permission to stop being strong. For the next few moments I just breathed through my tears. Why is it so hard to be vulnerable? Why is it so hard to drop the facade and just say, I’m tired? 

I don’t know that I needed permission not to be strong, but I felt a surge of relief wash over me as I let it go. 

If you know me, you know I’m not a fan of putting puzzles together. I don’t even like riddles. Gasp! I know, right? I want the easy. I want the answer. I. Just. Want. To. Know! 

If you put a riddle on your social media post, I will google the heck out of it before I answer, and feel no shame! However, I will not read the end of a book I’m reading until I get there. It’s complicated, I know. 

Unfortunately for those like me who just want the answers, waiting is beyond annoying. But you don’t get where you’re going until you take a step, and then another, and sor forth, and so on. It’s like the exasperating puzzle. You put it together one piece at a time. 

There’s the key. It’s in coming together of the broken apart pieces that make the puzzle whole. When we try to ignore those broken pieces, we set the healing aside. We stuff those pieces down and let them flounder around in our beings as they look for an escape. 

Make no doubt, those pieces will find their way out, one way or another. 

Look around. You’ll see them if you dare to look close enough. It’s the person reaching for the bottle, hoping to drink it away. It’s in the addict, hoping to numb it away. It’s in the abuse, hoping to rage it away. 

Hurt needs an escape. It needs to be tended to. It needs a vulnerable place to land. A place where shame, guilt, and self-condemnation don’t reside. A place that says, it’s ok to cry. It’s ok, to fall apart. 

It’s so very important who you share your hurts with. In the wrong hands those hurts become weapons to take you down even further. To be used against you in moments you never see coming. 

Humans can be so very cruel and yet so very caring. It’s critical you know the difference. 

The day my son asked me if I wanted a hug, I didn’t know I needed one. But, my Jesus knew. 

He knew my human strength was waning. He knew exactly what I needed in the weakness I had yet to see.  

For the answer to be a hug is huge. I didn’t grow up in a hugging family. It’s not what we did. We only hugged when necessary. They always felt foreign. But, that’s not what a true hug is. It’s the total opposite. 

Hugs are a very simple yet powerful gift from our Heavenly Father. It takes 2 people to make a hug happen. It’s a participatory act of opening up your arms and both giving and receiving one another. A true hug envelopes your entire being and gives you space to just be. 

Friend, it’s ok to not have it all together. It’s ok to come undone and cry things out. After all, you never know what you might find after the tears have cried themselves out. And maybe, just maybe, whatever needs to fall apart, will be the very thing you need for things come together. 

It’s gonna be a GREAT day and you get to be here for it! How awesome is that? 

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