Blessed to be Broken

God's not finished with me yet!

Passed Out Beauty

You never know when you pray for God to use you as His hands and feet how He will answer. On this brand new day a couple months ago, I was about to find out. Warning: long post alert!

The alarm went off and it was time to rise and shine. I reluctantly tossed the covers off me, because let’s be real, sometimes you just wanna stay under the blankets and remain comfy, cozy!  I swung my legs over the side of the bed and gingerly placed my feet on the floor. It was early, still dark out and this girl wanted her c.o.f.f.e.e. Coffee and Jesus in the morning are 2 of my most favorites things. Gabby gurl sprung off the bed because unlike me, she was all about the getting up and going outside and doing her thing. Gabby gurl is my beloved dog. Half toy poodle, half Bichon, and all energy.

Last night’s sleep wasn’t totally restful. I woke up hearing what I believed to be my son getting ready for work. Key word…believed. You see he gets up in the wee hours of the morning to hit the road in his big rig. Mostly he’s pretty quiet. He still recalls the days I used to get super upset when I got woken up. I’m talking that Greek mythical creature Medusa had nothing on me, upset. Don’t judge, you know, you know.

As I opened the door to my bedroom to head to the coffee pot, I immediately noticed something amiss in the living room, just off to the left. Because my eyes were still adjusting to the darkness I couldn’t quite make out why the blanket that was normally folded neatly in place was all askew. Gabby in the meantime, runs over to the couch and jumps up and starts doing her Gabby gurl happy dance.

I take a few steps over and flick the light switch on. What on earth is that? Is that a person? I squint so I can try to make the object come into focus. Meanwhile, Gabby is still going back and forth around the object wagging her tail like it’s about to fall off and said object is not moving…not even a little bit.

I whisper to Gabby, under my breath style, to “get over here” (to me) because I have indeed deduced this was a person. A slight of a girl to be a little more exact. Apparently, Goldilocks does exist. I turn the light back off. I don’t feel as if there’s any danger so, I decide to walk about to survey this lower level of the house. The front door was unlocked which makes me think…how did that happen? Oh yeah, pizza delivery the evening prior, and I forgot to lock the door afterward. Oy vey!

The closet door across from the front door was ajar. Over in the dining room, I spy a purse and a beer can. I can smell the stale stench of the beer. Lord knows I’ve been around alcohol more of my life than I have not been around it and I know this smell all too well. #Blech

Noticing nothing else was amiss, I walk over to open the side door off the kitchen area so Gabby can go outside.  I then go back into my bedroom to grab my cell phone, and I call my son. Upon his “Yes, Mom, what is it?” I said in a hushed tone with teeth clenched and lips not moving… “there is a girl on the couch.” He’s like, “what?”

If you’re a fan of the show Friends, picture the episode where NYC is having a blackout and Chandler is stuck in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre and he’s trying to explain that to Monica. That’s how once again, I tried telling my son, “there is a girl on the couch.” Again, he says, “what?” This time I say it faster and with a little irritation in my voice, because how does he not understand what I’m saying as I say, “there is a girl on the couch.” Finally, he got it! He proceeds to tell me to go back into my bedroom, lock the door and call the cops and call him back after I’m done.

I get Gabby back in the house, I pick her up so she doesn’t go bounding back into the living room and we head into the bedroom where I lock the door and call the cops. I stay on the line with the awesome 9-1-1 operator until the police arrive. Once they’re in the house I end the call with the 9-1-1 operator and I go out to meet them. I tell them I have no clue who she is or why she’s on my couch.

I’ve done a lot of stupid things when I’ve been drunk. A Lot! Some I remember, a lot more I don’t. But, this was new for me. Someone in my house passed out, and about to have her world rocked awake by police officers. My heart went out to her. This was no fairy tale of a Sleeping Beauty this was the reality of a passed out beauty.

She was disoriented and thought she was in someone else’s house. A friend had dropped her off, and she thought I was that friend. She didn’t even know what happened to her brown sandals. As we locked eyes for a moment, I could see she was not a girl but a woman and still very much “out of it.” I left the room so the police could do their job. They grabbed her purse and beer spilled from under it and they escorted her out of the house. I would find out later on, they called her a cab.

I don’t know the woman who slept on my couch that night, but Jesus does. I have no doubt as she “slept” there, she slept peacefully. She was in a safe place. She was surrounded by the Word of God and He was with us. I’m so thankful He led her to my home. Proverbs 20:24 says: “A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?” (NIV)

I don’t know if this incident was a “wake up call” for her, but it was for me.

A few years back, I had laid my enemy – alcohol down. But, for whatever reason, about a year ago, I thought it would be safe to dabble in having a glass of wine here or a glass of wine there. I was wrong. Funny thing is, this enemy named alcohol has been ruining my family for YEARS. Its devious clutches are still wreaking havoc in my family. And yet, despite what we know, we still invite it into our lives.

Why, would anyone who has experienced the dark side of alcoholism ever take another drink? Why would anyone who “lived” through the trauma and abuse of alcoholic family members ever choose to follow in their footsteps? I wish I could say there was a “pat” answer to those questions, but I can’t. It’s different for everyone. And even as I type this, some days, I still think it would be ok to have that glass of wine. It is a weakness for me. But God, when I choose to lean on His strength, He will help me battle through.

Society jokes about it, TV shows and movies glamorize it, and commercials make it seem like it’s the thing to do. Yet no one really talks about how alcohol changes you, destroys families, and steals pieces of your mind. No one talks about that. Why would they? Where’s the fun in that? Whatever would we do with our time if we didn’t get to play drinking games? It’s all just harmless fun, right?

Please hear me when I say, I’m in no way saying that everyone who takes a drink becomes an alcoholic. But if you need to drink in order to have a good time, to make you forget something, to dull the pain, or to give yourself “liquid courage”, I would dare say, be very careful, for I believe you’re stepping on thin ice.

Alcoholism is sneaky. You won’t even know you’re in the throes of it until it’s got you. When it takes you down to rock bottom, it doesn’t apologize, it says, take another drink. When you’re hungover, it says, you’ll feel better if you just, take a drink. “Hair of the dog” is what they call that.

John 10:10 says; “The thief approaches with malicious intent, looking to steal, slaughter, and destroy…” (The Voice), and that’s exactly what alcohol addiction will do.

I’ve witnessed the destruction of my family due to addiction. Far too many of my family have died from its effects. It’s time for this enemy to flee! I can keep letting the weight of its destruction take me down, or I can pick up my cross and fight this battle with the One who is victorious over all.

I was made for more and friend, you are too! Speak Truth over and into your life. If you weren’t worth it, God would not have sent His only son to die for you. If the God of the universe loves you that much, maybe it’s time you chose to love you too. Here’s some Truth to get you started.

The one who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world – 1 John 4:4

No weapon formed against me will prosper – Isaiah 54:17

I am God’s masterpiece – Ephesians 2:10

I am the apple of God’s eye – Zechariah 2:8

I am loved with an everlasting love – Jeremiah 31:3

I am a new creation – 2 Corinthians 5:17

You are never too far from God that He can’t reach you. I’ll say it again, YOU are NEVER too far from GOD that HE can’t reach YOU! He loves you with an everlasting love – Jeremiah 31:3

Never give up on you, you were worth dying for!  And to the woman who found her way to my couch…I hope you know your steps were ordered by God. By His grace, He made sure you had a safe place to rest your beautiful head. Yes, He loves you that much!

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