Blessed to be Broken

God's not finished with me yet!

Lackluster Faith

I’m so stinkin’ excited and honored to be a guest over on my friend Jamy Whitaker’s blog today!!  We met through Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies and we actually got to meet in person at the She Speaks conference last year.  I love the way God orchestrates life!!

I invite you to click on the link below and be-bop on over to Jamy’s site and not just read my blog, but also check her amazing site out as well. Thanks for taking the time to stop by.  Much love!!

Jamy Whitaker~~Stitching God’s Truth Into Everyday Life

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Filling my bucket…

Leather_bucket_of_a_well

 

I remember this little song I sung as a child called, “There’s a hole in my bucket.”  It was a song between Liza and Henry and how to fix their bucket and in the end, after going over different options on how to fix the bucket, Liza told Henry to “use his head.” You can find more about the song here:

Wikipedia ~ There’s a hole in my bucket

The tempo of the song seemed to make the song go on forever.  I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, will this song never end?!!  I can imagine Liza thinking “oh for pity’s sake Henry, just fix the bucket already.”

I can relate to this entire song.  For as long as I can remember, I resembled that bucket.  Only every time a hole got “filled,” another one would open up.  I always looked for someone or something to fill the hole in my bucket.

In my childhood, my father wasn’t present but tried to fill his hole with prescription drugs and alcohol. He was so far removed from us that I would look to the perfect television father.  My mother was so critical I escaped into books to find the perfect life to fill my hole of “family.”  I was angry with God for the life He gave me.  I would think; “there’s got to be more to life than this!!”

As a teenager lacking the family connection, I longed for a boyfriend to fill the void…oh, I prayed, I begged, I bartered with God to send me someone who would fill the emptiness. I would get a boyfriend, and at first, it was fun and exciting, but it was never enough…I always found something wrong with them and so I kept searching and thinking; “there’s got to be more to life than this!!” Once again, the hole in the bucket needed filled.

As a young adult, I knew I had to leave the place where I grew up.  There was just no way this place had anything to offer.  The military seemed to be the perfect answer.  By the time I was 26, I was on my third marriage thinking; “there’s got to be more to life than this.”  So, a baby must be the answer.  While I love my son and I don’t regret having him, let me just say, a baby will not fill the hole.  I was still thinking; “there’s got to be more to life than this.”

After my third divorce, multiple affairs, being at the top of my military career, a house filled with “stuff,” friends who loved me, I hate to say, it still wasn’t enough.  The hole in my bucket was huge. I was seeking but not finding, I was reaching but grasping air. I had no clue how to “fix” me.  I was looking for that “one thing,” in everything.

Have you ever seen that movie “City Slickers?” In the movie the character “Mitch,” played by Billy Crystal is having a conversation with “Curly,” played by late Jack Palance.  Curly tells Mitch that life is about “one thing” and that “one thing,” is different for everybody.  By the end of the movie, Mitch figures out his “one thing.”

That “one thing” for me was always there…I just didn’t know, or didn’t understand.  But I can look back and see the God I was so angry with, the God I pushed away and replaced with idols, was always calling out to me. Oh, my friends, looking back I can see where and when He was with me, even if I wasn’t with Him. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in God, I was just so lost and deep in sin all I saw was emptiness.

That’s the awesomeness of God.  He’s always wooing us, He’s always waiting for us, He’s always showing us He’s right here!!  He accepts us just the way we are. Just..the…way…I…am.  I was an empty bucket in need of repair but I couldn’t be repaired because I was trying to fill my hole with the things of this world.

I needed to be looking up, to an eternal home. I needed the love of a Savior. I needed not the “one thing.” I needed the One!  Could it be, you also are trying to fill the hole in your bucket with the things of this world?  Come to Jesus, He’s calling you. He’s got everything you need.  He created you, how can He not know what you need?

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I wanted to be a cheerleader

cheerleader

Once upon a time, I had this dream. I wanted to be a cheerleader.  I’m not sure at the time I wanted to be a cheerleader for the right reasons.  The right reason in my opinion was because I was so proud of my school that I wanted to represent.  No, I wanted to be a cheerleader because I wanted to be liked, and I wanted to be popular, and I wanted the status that came with being a cheerleader.

I will n.e.v.e.r forget the first time I tried out.  I was giddy with excitement to be sitting on the gym floor amongst all the other girls, nervous for when they would call my name and I would get up to cheer for the judges.  I had prepared my cheer and I was ready.  The first girl was called up and her cheer was amazing.  Her movements were crisp, clean and very precise.  The second girl was called up and she knew the exact same cheer as the first girl. And so it went until my turn.  I didn’t know the cheer the others girl did.  I was no longer excited but I was determined that since I was there, I would do my cheer. I took my place, and I began my cheer.  Behind me, I heard hushed laughter and giggles as I performed for the judges.  Needless to say, I did not make the squad.

I tried out again.  This time I practiced with an actual cheerleader and I knew the cheer everyone was going to perform.  I practiced with my friend and on my own for countless hours.  But, I didn’t make the squad that year either. I gave up on cheerleading.  I decided I wasn’t popular enough or talented enough and this was just not my thing.  So I became a marcher.  I was on a team that performed a dance routine at halftime during our football games and I really loved it.  I even got to perform in the annual Christmas parade.

Years later a friend would bring me to a Jazzercise class.  I loved it so much, I signed up after that first class.  Three months later I decided I wanted to try out to be an instructor. There was a screening process you had to pass before you could be accepted.  I didn’t make it the first time around and I kept at it and a few months later, I did the screening again and I passed.  The screening process was easy compared to the next phase of learning 10 routines.  Well, I passed that part too.  My being a certified instructor gave me the opportunity to perform, tell people what to do, sing, and dance.  I thought this was it…this is my calling and I will love and do this forever.

Do you know what adultery is?  Do you know what idolatry is?  Did you know when you put anything, and I mean anything before the Lord you are committing both of those acts.  Color me shocked when I first learned about this.  You were created to worship and love your creator above all else.  How easy is it to turn our backs on the One who breathed life into us and become all about the worldly wants of this world? Too easy in my opinion…let me give you an example…if you’re doing something you know is wrong and you keep doing it…boom…you got yourself an idol.  You choose to enjoy doing the wrong thing over being obedient to God.  Ooops, now you’ve just cheated on Him too.  How did you cheat you ask?  You are to love the Lord with all you mind, heart and soul.  If you know what He says is wrong, and you keep doing it, what are you loving? You’re cheating God out of His best for your life.  The life He gave you.

God doesn’t like that.  You’ve heard He’s a jealous God and eventually the things you put above Him, you may just notice the passion you once had for those things suddenly or over time goes away.  Will you choose to put down what you’ve put above God or will you keep fanning the flame of sin?

Don’t get me wrong, I sin every day. Every day I have to evaluate my choices and ask who am I serving?  I put Jazzercise away.  It consumed too much of my thoughts and my time.  I laid it at His feet, confessed and repented.  It was hard.  I have no idea if giving that up was for a season, or forever, but I’m good with whatever God decides.  You see, God sent His one and only Son to die on a cross for me and for you.  And Jesus knows the temptations of this world and yet, He was without sin.  Wrap your head around that!!

Once upon a time, I had this dream. I wanted to be a cheerleader.  And I am!! Best part about it is, I didn’t have to try out, I didn’t have to be judged, I only had to give my life back to the one who brought me to this dance.  Every time someone comes to Christ and lays down their old life to begin their new life in Him…you can bet you will hear me cheer and shout to the Heavens…Wooo-hoooo!! Go God, Go God, it’s their birthday!! Gooooooo God!!  Well, maybe not that exact cheer, but you get my point.

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