Temper tantrums. According to Wikipedia “a tantrum or temper tantrum is an emotional outbreak, usually associated with children or those in emotional distress, that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, defiance, angry, ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification and, at some cases, hitting. Physical control may be lost, the person may be unable to remain still, and even if the “goal” of the person is met he or she may not be calmed. A tantrum may be expressed in a tirade: a protracted, angry, or violent speech.”
I gotta say, I don’t like not getting my way. As a child, it started out very early on with the temper tantrums. So much so, the doctor advised my mother to lock me in my room and let me “have it out.” Oh really. I’m sorry, did those dresser drawers belong in the dresser and not outside shattered on the ground by way of closed windows? As you can well imagine, these tantrums were not just a physical thing, they were very verbal as well. I can remember being very hot one summer afternoon and wanting to go swimming. Normally I could go to the neighbors but they were having a pool party and I was not invited. Oh really. By the time my rant hit full steam, the neighbor was begging to have me come to their pool party. Victory was mine. Or was it?
The rewarding of temper tantrums taught me a valuable lesson; how to manipulate to get what I wanted. As I grew older, the tantrums became less visible outwardly, but inwardly the battle raged until I could win over my opponent by finding out their weakness. I gotta admit, getting my way made me feel quite #empowered. But this type of empowerment was draining. I was mentally exhausted from trying to out maneuver my opponent. Seriously don’t know how many hours of sleep I deprived myself of by thinking “how can I make them see my point?” “How can I get them to admit I’m right?” And then after I think of that way, “how can I work that into our next conversation?” Exhausting.
But, there is one person I can’t out maneuver. He already knows my next move. He can always jib to my jab. But every now and again, God permits the very things we want in our lives that we shouldn’t have. There we are on bended knee, throwing our grown up temper tantrum, begging Him with tears running down our face, to give us what we want because we are never satisfied with what we have. I would dare say this causes us to settle for less than God’s best. You see, our Father wants us to crave Him in every single area of our life over anything else this world has to offer. We are so comforted by the things of this world, we’ve lost the understanding how to be #empowered by Him and Him alone.
Think about the one thing in your life you maybe said today, “no way could I live without that.” Guess what? That’s your idol. It’s just that simple. For me, that one thing had become having a man in my life. And even when I had a man in my life, because I didn’t know my voids were to be filled with God, I wanted more men. And after each failed attempt, I would say “I’m gonna work on getting to know me” and then there I would be begging for a man to come into my life. I didn’t even know how “to love” let alone “be loved.”
So this is me, learning about true love. This is me being #empowered with the only love I will ever need and the only love I want. I want that love over flowing in me so that I can pass it on in the way He’s teaching me. In the way He gave/gives love. In fact when I asked our Father what He wanted me to learn this year, He affirmatively told me “Love.” This is my year to learn all I can about His Love and everyday He is showing me through His word and the people I’m surrounded with all about love. Not “love” the feeling, but “love” the action. And while the temper tantrum in my head wants to resist, I am #empowered with the full armor of God to press and lean into the life He has for me. The best is yet to come!! I am #empowered.
Love is here….what are you waiting for?
Blessed to be Broken 